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There are several bench warrants out for Nancy Pelosi's arrest after she ripped up Donald Trump's State of the Union speech Tuesday. Yet the House speaker still defiantly walks around in public. She spoke to the press today and ripped on Trump some more. Haters have called the speech-ripping "performative" resistance, but I live for it. I'm a theatre geek, and Pelosi gets the run of the show contract.

Pelosi gave a blistering review of Trump's rambling, deranged speech (the one on Tuesday not this morning). We kinda knew already that she hated it, because she literally ripped the "manifesto of mistruths" in half. That's a definite rotten tomato.

PELOSI: As you know, this week we had the State of the Union. As required by the Constitution of the United States, the president is to submit in writing or in person his statement of the state of the union. What happened instead was the president using the Congress of the United States as the backdrop for a reality show, presenting a state of mind that had no contact with reality whatsoever. That was not a State of the Union. That was his state of mind.

The House speaker has gone topsy turvy on the president. She's delivering a State of Trump's Mind address, and she's not optimistic. The state of Trump's mind is not strong. There might even be bats in there.


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Pelosi first defended our last legitimate president, Barack Obama, against Trump's lies. She said it was "appalling" that Trump claims he "inherited a mess" from the black guy, when he in fact was gifted a growing economy that is still doing the best it can despite the damage Trump inflicted with his giveaways to rich people and his forking of farmers. She also considered it "appalling" that Trump said he was "protecting" health coverage for people with pre-existing conditions, when he's tried and failed but still keeps trying to strip health care from millions of Americans.

She also lit into Republicans for shouting "four more years!" on the House floor during Trump's speech. It was a "serious breach" and "totally inappropriate" (not to mention depressing as hell). Pelosi also didn't let slide Trump's jabs at her this morning at the national prayer breakfast.

PELOSI: I don't know what he understands about people who pray, but we do pray. He can say whatever he wants, but I do pray for him, and I do so sincerely and without anguish. I thought what he said about Romney was particularly without class.

After Pelosi finished her prepared remarks, a reporter from what I assume was Euphemism Digest asked about her "strained relationship" with Trump. They don't have a strained relationship. They fucking hate each other. Do we need to go to the gif?

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You have to watch Pelosi's response to this question. She agreed that she and Trump have a "strained relationship," but that she's been able to keep the government running despite the president's mad schemes and stupid sitcom antics. Pelosi physically imitated Trump when describing his posturing and empty threats. It's hilarious. She clearly doesn't think Trump has the "sense God gave the common dog."

She also dinged Trump on the USMCA bill: She doubts Trump "even knows what's in it because it's so far different from what he sent us." You hear that, America? Pelosi rick-rolled the motherfucker.

Pelosi said she's tried to be "gracious" and "dignified" to a president who lacks all grace and dignity. It infuriated her that Trump used the State of the Union to give the Presidential Medal of Freedom to an unnamed bigot.

PELOSI: Do it in your own office! We don't come to your office to do congressional business. Why are you doing that here? Quite frankly ... when he started talking about someone with cancer, we thought he was going to talk about John Lewis, a hero in our country.

At this point, Pelosi was so mad she has to close her eyes for a moment. We are all Nancy Pelosi who can't believe still-living legend John Lewis was snubbed on Black History Month in favor of racist slime.

PELOSI: I feel very liberated. I feel like I've extended every possible courtesy. I've shown every level of respect ... I extended the hand of friendship to him, to welcome him as the president of the United States to the people's house. It was also an act of kindness because he looked like he was a little sedated. He looked that way last year, too. But he didn't want to shake hands. That meant nothing to me.

Yes, that's right. Pelosi implied the president is a goofball who pops goofballs to make his way through a "serious" address to the nation without too many sudden asshole episodes. (He probably needs to up the dosage.)

Thank you, Madam Speaker, you've made our week.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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