Nebraska Pol Who Thought Women's Marchers Weren't Hot Enough To Sexually Assault Steps Down, Whines


“You won’t have Bill Kintner to kick around anymore,” said Nebraska state Senator Bill Kintner -- a man who would probably be kicked around much less, or even remain unknown to the general public outside of Nebraska, if he did not insist upon being so super creepy when it comes to women -- as he resigned from his office Wednesday morning.

Kintner is resigning after being criticized for RTing a charming tweet suggesting that Women's March attendees were not sexy enough to be sexually assaulted.

HAHA, see, it is funny because those women were referencing Donald Trump grabbing women by the pussy without their consent, and they are not the sort of women whom Bill Kintner would bless by grabbing them by the pussy without their consent! Because sexual assault is totally hilarious, and also a thing that only happens to hot chicks.

And speaking of blessing! Kintner's entire resignation speech was chock full of references to God, who Kintner claims put him in his state Senate seat to begin with. He also spent a great deal of time reciting the lyrics to The Byrds' "Turn, Turn, Turn," which I am told are also lyrics to the Bible.

This is not, of course, the first time God's Chosen Nebraska State Senator has gotten into some trouble! Previously, he made headlines for using his state laptop to "cybersex" a lady who was not his wife, and masturbated with her on video chat. He stayed on after that, because that sort of thing is not a problem if you are a Republican and also God's Chosen Nebraska State Senator.

Kintner, who says he regrets the fact that his resignation will be seen as a "victory for progressives," claims that many Nebraskans have called him, begging him to stay on. But he's resigning anyway, for reasons. He also claims that it is the fault of "liberals" waging a campaign on him and his perfectly innocent tweet that he must resign, a charge disputed by Omaha Senator Bob Krist, also a Republican, who has called for Kintner to resign since he cybersexed a lady on a state computer:

"The thing that’s still amazing to me is that he blames his liberal opponents. Once again, he blames someone else for his actions. This is not liberal or conservative, right wing or left wing, or Republican or Democratic. These are Nebraska values, and this is Nebraska speaking."

I would assume that would be the case, what with Nebraska being a very red state and all. I would imagine that, probably, Kintner would not have to resign if the Republicans in that state were A-OK with his tweets and his cybersexxing! But it appears they are not, since probably even some Nebraska Republicans think it is pretty gross to share a picture of a bunch of women suggesting that they are not hot enough to get sexually assaulted by you, Bill Kintner, God's Chosen Nebraska State Senator.

For what it is worth, though, I would not sexually assault Bill Kinter either! Not just because he is not hot, but because I would not sexually assault anyone, nor would I joke about doing so! Because that is a weird and creepy thing to do.


Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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