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[contextly_sidebar id="xI3SWow0VArme0mIWhZKeanhgAF5szhl"]Ammon Bundy and his band of merry morons need many things in life right now. Common sense, tampons for all the ladies who aren't even currently occupying the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon, and PLZ MORE SNACKS. And no more of that unpalatable vegan tofurkey jerky or whatever the hell it was. PETA, you are so gross and bad, and you should feel bad.

[contextly_sidebar id="ktWY1m3XZip6V51GqRvtLi9obeA1qcrJ"]Oh, and they also need a hero. Somebody with the guns and the boobs and the baking soda cancer cures, who will stand up in the public square and say the absolute dumbest shit you could ever think of, on their behalf. Did we mention she should have knockers so big they could kill a man if she was spinning around too fast? Hey, Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, whatcha doin'?

Nevada state Rep. Michele Fiore, a Republican, tells OPB she called Ammon Bundy Saturday night. [...]

“Everyone knows I’m a supporter of the Bundy family,” Fiore said. “Our relationship is pretty well documented.” [...]

“We just need to get elected officials from the sheriff’s office on up protecting citizens,” Fiore told OPB. “I stand for our citizens and they need help from elected officials.”

LOL, who will stand up for the citizens (who have taken over a rural birdwatching station or whatever because "Constitution")?

Of course, Fiore's been knowing the Bundy clan for quite a while. She was one of their best buddies during the FIRST Bundy federal land rights standoff. In fact, it's part of what made her famous.

But apparently she couldn't pick her huge tits up off the huge tit stand she had installed atop her favorite gun safe (which is probably always unlocked), and actually GO to Oregon to nuzzle Ammon to her bosom. So a wingnut Republican Oregon state representative (as well as several other out-of-state politicians) did the snuggling for her:

According to Fiore, Oregon Rep. Dallas Heard, a Roseburg Republican, met in person with the militant leaders.

“It’s refreshing to see a representative like Dallas Heard care and lean on the side of citizens, versus our federal government,” said Fiore.

How sweet, Heard was willing to do all that, even though fellow Republican Rep. Cliff Bentz told him to back the fuck off that idea. Of Heard, Harney County Judge Steven E. Grasty said, "He's probably the most inexperienced legislator in the state of Oregon. ... It just seems bizarre." A brand-spankin' new Republican legislator acting like a stupid, embarrassing dick? You don't say.

[contextly_sidebar id="Imm9185PahrLTe5rhCY1t6JTpRWLHe22"]But back to Michele's tits. Why is everything Michele Fiore does somehow related to her tits, at least on Wonkette? Because she started it. Remember that calendar she released, where each month featured her tits draped in a different way, each with their own special gun?

And then the Christmas card, which was all about not just HER boobs and guns, but the boobs and guns of her whole family?

[contextly_sidebar id="5kKCI2or7Jt2NB1esNb19FR40vsLOhVn"]Plus she yells about how transgenders need to stay off her "nakedness area," refers to her vaginal area as her "va-jay-jay," and is pretty sure the way to end sex trafficking is to forcibly remove pimps' giggleberries.

The point is it's real hard to take her seriously, y'all, kind of like it's hard to take Ammon Bundy seriously.

Now get off your lazy ass, Michele, and go save your buddies in Oregon.

[OPB via RawStory]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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