New Brett Kavanaugh Sexual Assault Allegations? WHAT? No! Really? THE F*CK YOU SAY!

NO! Say it is not so!

You mean to tell us that after then-GOP-Senator Jeff Flake acceded to the need for at least the thinnest bullshit appearance of a bullshit FBI investigation into the allegations against Brett Kavanaugh, which did indeed result in an absolutely bullshit appearanceof an FBI investigation, where Donald Trump and the GOP had their stranger danger fingers on the scale the entire time ... you mean there are more allegations against Supreme Court Justice Rape Van, even now, many months after the Senate barely confirmed him? WHAT?

Everyone could have seen this coming, unless they were personally invested in not seeing it coming.

Big story in the New York Times this weekend, although if everybody wasn't talking about it and all you saw was the headline, you might skip it. Hell, if you didn't know the context, you might think it was one of the Times's oft-mocked wedding announcements:

Oh well, the Times put a bad headline on a thing, stop what you're doing and witness this thing that has never happened before.

The story is from Robin Pogrebin and Kate Kelly, an adaptation from their forthcoming book The Education of Brett Kavanaugh: An Investigation. It follows the story of Deborah Ramirez, one of the Kavanaugh accusers we knew about, but whose allegations never really were investigated, during her time at Yale, and four paragraphs in, it mentions this:

She and some classmates had been drinking heavily when, she says, a freshman named Brett Kavanaugh pulled down his pants and thrust his penis at her, prompting her to swat it away and inadvertently touch it.

That generally tracks with the original accusation. Several grafs later, the writers say Ramirez's story was easily corroborated, citing Kavanaugh's testimony before the Senate, where he said if what Ramirez said had happened, it would be the "talk of campus." As Pogrebin and Kelly write, "Our reporting suggests that it was."

But wait there's more. A new accusation we hadn't heard yet:

We also uncovered a previously unreported story about Mr. Kavanaugh in his freshman year that echoes Ms. Ramirez's allegation. A classmate, Max Stier, saw Mr. Kavanaugh with his pants down at a different drunken dorm party, where friends pushed his penis into the hand of a female student. Mr. Stier, who runs a nonprofit organization in Washington, notified senators and the F.B.I. about this account, but the F.B.I. did not investigate and Mr. Stier has declined to discuss it publicly. We corroborated the story with two officials who have communicated with Mr. Stier; the female student declined to be interviewed and friends say she does not recall the episode.

That's on brand for Brett Kavanaugh, a guy who lied to Congress so many times we lost count, including about the meaning of "boofing," and who was by most accounts a drunken mess in high school and college. Oh yeah, and lest we forget, he's a guy who's been credibly accused of sexual assault on multiple occasions by multiple women. By the way, the FBI heard about this allegation last fall, when Democratic Senator Chris Coons wrote FBI Director Chris Wray about it. Guess they just didn't think it was important.

The Times piece didn't originally include the part about how the new alleged victim doesn't remember it, but after very concerned and unbiased folks like Ronna ROMNEY McDaniel and literally every other wingnutbitched and moaned, the Times added that detail, as if Republicans' age-old maxim "If she doesn't remember it, it didn't happen" really changes the fundamentals of this story.

However, the Times did get correctly yelled at when, in its promotion of the story, some Times social media idiot tweeted this:

"Having a penis thrust in your face at a drunken dorm party may seem like harmless fun. But when Brett Kavanaugh did it to her, Deborah Ramirez says, it confirmed that she didn't belong at Yale in the first place."

They're beyond parody at this point.

The Times has more on the FBI investigation that barely happened, and how the FBI seemed to do its best to make sure new allegations didn't get investigated or corroborated:

Ms. Ramirez's legal team gave the F.B.I. a list of at least 25 individuals who may have had corroborating evidence. But the bureau — in its supplemental background investigation — interviewed none of them, though we learned many of these potential witnesses tried in vain to reach the F.B.I. on their own.

Two F.B.I. agents interviewed Ms. Ramirez, telling her that they found her "credible." But the Republican-controlled Senate had imposed strict limits on the investigation. "'We have to wait to get authorization to do anything else,'" Bill Pittard, one of Ms. Ramirez's lawyers, recalled the agents saying. "It was almost a little apologetic."

That tracks with everything we were hearing before Kavanaugh's confirmation, about how tons of people who were at Yale with Kavanaugh were calling the FBI, but unfortunately the FBI was screening its calls so it wouldn't have to hear anybody talk about stuff Republicans didn't want to hear about DrunkBoofs McDickHands. Here's a whole article by a guy who roomed with Kavanaugh, about how the FBI ignored him and many others. After all, Mitch McConnell had a judiciary to reshape in White Supremacist Jesus's image, dammit! They weren't going to let a little thing like "Brett Kavanaugh seems to have a pattern of sexually assaulting women" get in the way!

Predictably, the chorus to impeach Kavanaugh, whose nomination was illegitimate before all this because he was installed by an illegitimate criminal president, is growing, at least from the 2020 Democratic candidates. Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris are calling for it, as are Bernie Sanders, Beto O'Rourke and Julián Castro. Meanwhile, Joe Biden is calling for ... you know, something less than that.

Also predictably, the credibly accused rapist in the White House is coming to Kavanaugh's defense:

(He originally tweeted that Kavanaugh should sue for "liable," but we guess one of the halfway literate people in the White House tackled him and made him delete and retweet.)

Whine whine whine whine whine whine whine WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE! (By the way, it's pretty clear President Dumbfuck is just copy/pasting chryons from "Fox & Friends" this morning. He does that, because he's not well.)

We'd note two things as we close this out. First of all, Maine voters, please hang this around Susan Collins's neck until the end of time, or at least until the 2020 elections, whichever comes first. She wanted to vote for Kavanaugh's confirmation sooooooooo bad, and guess what, SHE DID!

Secondly, we said when Kavanaugh was confirmed that there would always be an asterisk next to his name, and that in our minds, and in our discussions, and in our articles, and in our prayers, we would never not bring up that Brett Kavanaugh has been accused multiple times by multiple women of being a sexual abuser, and that there is no question in our entire mind, body, and soul that he is a sexual abuser we wouldn't leave alone with our dog, much less a small child. Not because of politics, but because we believe women, especially when the accused is a Brett Kavanaugh type, the sort who anyone who went to a certain kind of private school would immediately recognize as a likely sexual predator.

It probably doesn't need to be restated, but just in case it does, this is just our confirmation that nothing has happened to change that, and as long as Brett Kavanaugh is on the Court, we will do our best to make sure everyone knows there is a bad man there, and that under no circumstances should anyone get in his car. No, he is not your mother's friend, and she did not send him to pick you up because she had an "emergency."


[New York Times / ibid.]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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