It was a trap, obviously


A pastor in Somerset County, New Jersey, did a really crappy job of faking a hate crime against himself last Friday, according to local officials. Rev. Jairon Pena of the New Covenant Missionary Baptist Church was found by Somerset police inside his church, with his hands and legs "loosely bound" with rope, a rag stuffed in his mouth, a plastic bag over his head, and a "piece of paper taped to his chest and back with a misspelled Islamic phrase" on it.

Police arrested Pena after he told them an inconsistent story about having been assaulted by two men and a woman wearing masks and gloves, who allegedly beat him, pulled Bibles from the pews, and stomped on them -- all the while blaspheming against God. The detectives quickly noticed that Pena was remarkably uninjured for a guy who'd supposedly been beaten, and the pastor eventually admitted he'd made up the entire story due to unspecified "personal events in his life," according to Somerset County Prosecutor Geoffrey Soriano, who charged Pena with "false public alarm, false swearing and fictitious report to law enforcement."

It's always the spelling that trips 'em up, isn't it? Remember the terrifying tale of Ashley Todd, the young McCain volunteer in 2008 who was assaulted by a hulking black Obama-voting thug who carved a "B" into her face, for "Barack" -- only "he" did it backwards, exactly like a dumb hoaxer might do it, looking in a mirror?

At least a real black eye and some self-mutilation show some commitment.

Rev. Pena's fake assault is pretty pathetic compared to Ms. Todd's, or for that matter to Morton Downey Jr., the late talk-show screamer who, back in dinosaur days, magic-markered a swastika across his face and claimed to have been attacked by a neo-Nazi.* Even Tawana Brawley had enough imagination to smear herself in dog poo for her fake hate crime.

Yr Wonkette attempted to do some real journamalism by emailing the Somerset County prosecutor's office for more information on what that "misspelled Islamic phrase" was -- some really bad misspelling of "Allahu Akbar," perhaps? -- but spokesman Jack Bennett is no fun at all. He replied only that "no additional information is being released."

Honestly, we think The Public has a right to know just how dumb Rev. Pena is. Like, did he try to copy something out in Arabic script? Or did he write "ALLA-YOU ACKBAR," or what? We're pretty disappointed in this whole lame story, and we give both Rev. Pena and the prosecutor's office a low grade:

*Linky is to a site claiming that "leftists" fake all the hate crimes all the time; hilariously, it doesn't mention Ashley Todd at all. We doubt Rev. Pena will show up there, either.

[Patch.com]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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