New Poll Shows Republicans Starting To Realize They Suck

What up, Republicans? You feeling sorta down, sorta bad about yourselves these days? Because of how you suck and no one likes you? And everyone is pointing and laughing HAHAHAHAHAHA, and saying, "Look at these idiots HAHAHAHAHAHA"? Yeah, we know you are. And you know you are too. And here are some numbers and graphs and nerdy nerd stuff like that to prove it. The Pew Research Center interrupted the dinners of 2002 adults and asked them what they think of the Republican Party, and they were like, "Oh, those guys? Those guys suck!"

Here's a picture of that, since we know you Republicans don't do words good:

The part that goes down? That is bad news for you, uh oh. Maybe it is because of how your current leading presidential contender is A BIG DUMB ASSHOLE, which most of America knows, but not you for some reason, probably because you are still watching too much Fox.

More bad news: You don't even like yourselves as much as you used to. You used to wake up in the morning and look in the mirror at your straight white male selves and say, "Wheeee, it's great to be me!" But now, not so much. You wake up, you see your Democratic gay neighbors of color feeling good, and you just get sad and say, "DAMNIT, I suck." It's true:

More bad news on top of that:

The Democratic Party continues to hold wide advantages over the Republicans on empathy and honesty. By 53% to 31%, the Democratic Party is viewed as “more concerned with the needs of people like me.” And the Democrats hold a 16-point lead on governing in an honest and ethical way (45% to 29%).

What do those numbers mean? Basically, that a majority of Americans think you are a bunch of heartless lying bastards. Gee, can't imagine why. Oh, wait, yes we can. BECAUSE YOU ARE. You have eleventy thirteen candidates running for president, and every single one of them wants to let Americans go back to straight up DYING from lack of healthcare. Every single one of them thinks the "I do" words are for one penis and one vagina only, even if those mean robed jerks on the Supreme Court said "Nuh uh, you dicks." Also? You weren't sure if a white supremacist shooting up a black church to start a race war was, like, a race thing. AND you were afraid to say a mean about the Confederate flag. AND your new hero, Donald Trump? You basically agree with him about how someone is doing the raping, and it is the Messicans. We know, because we've been listening to you say that FOR YEARS.

What else? Oh, Americans think the Democratic Party is way so much more double-digit better at the environment, education, and healthcare. You're even slipping on the stuff you used to be good at, like taxes and foreign policy.

Here's another thing for you to feel bad about, on top of all the other things. Democrats and Republicans still hate Congress real bad, but since you are in charge of the House and the Senate, that's extra-bad news for you. The next time voters go to the polls and they think about how much they hate Congress and want to fire all those dumb bastards, you are the dumb bastards they want to fire. Uh oh.

Here's a little silver lining for you, though. Americans are not really feeling the good feels about President Barry H. Bamz and how he's handling important issues like foreign policy and the economy. That'll really help you when tear him down and beat his ass when he's up for re-election in -- oh. Never mind. It's basically all bad news for you, and you know it, and that's why you feel bad, and you should.

[Pew Research Center]


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