New Trump-Clinton Presidential Polls: Time To Put Head Between Knees, Kiss Ass Goodbye

POP QUIZ! Who is ahead in the important swing states of Colorado and Pennsylvania?

ANSWER! According to a new CNN/ORC poll, NO ONE KNOWS!

How about in Nevada? Or Ohio? Or Florida? MAYBE TRUMP! So that is VERY FUN!

What about in "two-way matchups," where for some reason voters aren't asked whether they might vote for Libertarian Gary Johnson (getting 13 percentish) or Green Party nominee Dr. Jill Stein (3 percent)? Well, then Hillary Clinton is leading nationwide, but WHY IS THAT A POLL STAPLE? This election may for all intents and purposes be a two-way matchup as far as "which two people might become president," but it is not a two-way matchup as far as "how can you spoiler this election with a dumb throwaway vote for an idiot." It is a fucking counterfactual, and it is stupid, and they need to stop asking that, but they will not, because "reason."

Quinnipiac has Hillary Clinton up by one point nationally. But we do not vote nationally, so what's that about? I know, but it's a way to measure ... stuff ... in an apples to apples kind of way, so it's fine, sigh, whatever, I don't even care anymore.

Your nerd boyfriend Nate Silver has some long words about polls and polls-plus over at fivethirtyeight, where he has downgraded Hillary Clinton's chance of winning the electoral college to 51.5 percent.

So only a 48.5 percent chance of Dumber And More ADHD-ier Lex Luthor becoming president and inventing his sun-blocker-outer machine, to block out the sun and make all the little forest animals and also all the humans all die.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc