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We have some advice for Donald Trump if he ever wants this "Criming While President" thing to work out for him. DON'T GET BORN IN A BLUE STATE THAT HATES YOU. Have Mary Trump gestate your turkey ass in Alabama next time.

The New York state Senate has just passed two bills that will likely have the effect of fucking Trump up BIGLY, and also helping Congress do its oversight job, since the Trump administration is hellbent against ever letting that happen. The first, the TRUST Act, passed 39-21, and allows the state's Department of Taxation and Finance to hand state tax returns to, say, the House Ways and Means Committee, which is currently demanding Trump's tax returns from the IRS. (They can also give them, if requested, to the Senate Finance Committee and the Joint Committee on Taxation.) Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin has, of course, responded to Ways and Means by, in essence, saying "Watch my Botoxed ass commit some crimes and refuse to give you them!"

Now, of course, state returns aren't the exact same as federal returns, but if you live in a state that has income taxes, haha SUCKS 4 U you are well aware that those state returns have a metric fuckton of the same info as federal returns do. And where has Donald Trump been parking his big ass, and his business's big ass, all these years? New York.


They are not being shy about what this is all about:

"Given the current events, the impetus is even stronger to get Trump's taxes to the Ways and Means Committee," said [Democratic state Senator and bill sponsor Brad] Hoylman, who represents a Manhattan district. "This is a constitutional showdown that we see evolving before our eyes." [...]

"Our system of checks and balances is failing," he continued. "New York has a special role and responsibility to step into the breach."

FEDERALISM FOR THE FUCKING WIN!

This bill, and the one we're about to tell you about in a sec, now heads to the Democratic-controlled Assembly, and then to Governor Andrew Cuomo. Will he sign it? Of course, but NBC News notes that he only supports it if it applies to everybody, and not just Trump. And of course it applies to everybody! Trump just happens to be the only president in America who's currently testing all our institutions and committing crimes every day while in office.

House Judiciary Committee Chair Jerry Nadler, who represents part of Manhattan in the big Congress in Washington DC, released a statement responding to the bill's passage that was just a picture of Trump's face with dicks drawn all over it, HAHA JUST KIDDING, Nadler is a professional and would never do that.

The second bill passed by the New York state Senate involves pardons and double jeopardy. Remember when Paul Manafort was sentenced to a handful of years in prison, and like eight seconds later, New York indicted Manafort on a wee bucketful of state charges? We knew Manafort's lawyers would immediately scream "DOUBLE JEOPARDY!" because New York had a so-called "double jeopardy loophole," as state AG Letitia James called it, which would make it harder to prosecute people for state crimes that have already been charged federally, and who might have been pardoned for those crimes, perhaps because the sitting president of the United States pardoned them as part of his campaign to obstruct justice. (You know, hypothetically.)

This bill, which James supported, closes that loophole. In fact, it specifically takes aim at presidents who might pardon their son or their former campaign chair, as a thank you for refusing to flip and cooperate with the government. (Hypothetically.)

"The legislation upholds the standards of fairness & justice at the core of the double jeopardy law, and prevents it from being used as a tool to deny justice altogether," James tweeted. She added, "The bill embodies a central component to the foundation of our democracy: The President — unlike a monarch or authoritarian dictator — is not above the law and our laws should apply to all people of this nation equally, including and especially our leaders."

Predictably, as the New York Times reports, New York Republicans are very GRRR ARGH about both bills, because UNFAIR! and WITCH HUNT! and WHAT IF ANOTHER REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT WANTS TO COMMIT CRIMES LIKE TRUMP? They are swearing to Jesus that these are "bills of attainder," which in layman's terms means bills aimed squarely at punishing one person.

"You may be aiming for the president, but there's going to be a lot of collateral damage," said Senator Andrew Lanza, a Staten Island Republican. "Today it's the president, tomorrow it's the rest of us."

First they came for Donald Trump, but I said nothing, because fuck him. Then they came for ... oh wait, they didn't come for anybody else, Mr. Lanza, because all this shit should be illegal anyway, you fucking fuck-knob. And if there is "collateral damage," that'll mean it's because some OTHER halfwit authoritarian shithole from New York has been unnaturally elected president and is trying to pull the same shit Trump is pulling.

As for "the rest of us," we are reasonably certain that "the rest of us" AREN'T FUCKING CRIMINALS LIKE DONALD TRUMP, JESUS CHRIST.

Like we said, Trump made a big mistake when he got borned in New York and decided to live a life of crime there. Oh well WOMP WOMP.

[NBC News / New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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