Newt Gingrich Knows A BS Partisan Impeachment When He Orchestrates One
Newt Gingrich, former House speaker and serial abandoner of wives, has decided to share his unwanted thoughts on impeachment. He's a subject matter expert because he infamously attempted to remove Bill Clinton from the White House because he received blow jobs inside it. Gingrich wants us to remember how deeply satisfying an impeachment that was. America collectively smoked a cigarette afterward. It's nothing like the current Democratic-led impeachment inquiry against walking bag of felonies Donald Trump.
Seriously, how are we supposed to respond to this shit? Gingrich has embraced in his golden years the life philosophy of George Constanza: "It's not a lie if you believe it." Yes, special counsel Ken Starr declared Clinton GUILTY! of multiple counts of fellatio. Or more precisely, Starr claimed that Clinton abused his power and obstructed justice to avoid people -- especially his wife and daughter -- finding out about his affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky. Republicans "seriously" concluded that it was criminal for Clinton to attempt to hide an embarrassing non-crime. Democrats believe Trump abused his power and obstructed justice to commit actual crimes. If we're going to get in the habit of impeaching presidents every 20 years or so, we should try to appreciate the not exactly subtle differences.
Gingrich: Pelosi's impeachment push 'makes no sense at all' www.youtube.com
Republicans have twisted themselves into rhetorical knots to argue that there's no evidence of "quid pro quo" in Trump's call with Ukraine's president. Starr concluded that Clinton perjured himself when he said there was "nothing going on between" himself and Lewinsky. Clinton was speaking in the present tense: "It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' is. If the—if he—if 'is' means is and never has been, that is not—that is one thing. If it means there is none, that was a completely true statement." (God, I miss that silver-tongued horn dog!) Republicans called bullshit and Clinton was impeached. It's laughable to revisit. It's like showing your kid a pre-Star Wars sci-fi film. It doesn't hold up. "Really? That was an impeachment when you were young? It's so cheesy."
The charges against Clinton were so -- uh -- trumped up that Republicans had to convince us they were serious constitutional offenses and we should obsessively care about the president's sex life.
USA: CLINTON IMPEACHMENT HEARINGS UPDATE www.youtube.com
Now, it's the reverse. Republicans shrug and say it's no big thing if the president strong arms foreign leaders so they'll dig up dirt on his political opponent. Are Democrats so upset over the 2016 elections results that they won't sit back and let the lawfully elected (sort of) president break multiple laws?
Gingrich calls the current impeachment inquiry "partisan" and "one-sided." Only five Democrats (out of 205) voted to impeach Clinton, and just five Republicans (out of 228) declined. That's hardly a bipartisan effort. Gingrich believed that impeachment might lead to huge electoral gains in the 1998 midterms, but instead of picking up seats in the House, the GOP lost five. Gingrich stepped down as speaker and resigned from Congress. It's unlikely a similar fate with befall Nancy Pelosi no matter how impeachment plays out. Gingrich was also fooling around with an aide 20 years his junior while trying to remove Clinton. We're certain Pelosi isn't secretly fooling around with the Ukraine.
The congressional aide was Gingrich's current (and third) wife Callista Gingrich, whom Trump named the US ambassador to the Holy See -- the one with the Vatican. Maybe he confused her with Calista Flockhart, who to our knowledge has not publicly committed adultery.
Gingrich probably is uniquely qualified to advise Democrats against impeachment on the grounds that it was a personal shit show that cost him his political career and left Clinton relatively unscathed. We still wouldn't listen to him because he's an unrepentant asshole who lacks all credibility.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).