Nice Christian Forced To Ditch Wife Now That Gays Have Ruined Everything

We were afraid this might happen. Well, not afraid exactly, but we paused for a brief moment the first time we were warned that gays would ruin marriage for everyone else, mostly to say, "Who what how HUH?" But seems the Hetero-End Days are upon us -- seriously, for reals this time -- because with gays gaying up the whole planet, plus Australia, this guy says he has to divorce his wife of 10 years, because of REASONS. Jesus reasons.

The reason, however, is that, as Christians, we believe marriage is not a human invention.

We know where this is going. God this and that, one man one woman yadda yadda, "fundamental order of creation," blah blah and MORE WORDS.

My wife and I, as a matter of conscience, refuse to recognise the government’s regulation of marriage if its definition includes the solemnisation of same sex couples.

Thus, he writes, if Australia's "Federal Parliament" (that's Aussie for "Congress") votes to let dudes marry other dudes, and the lady version of that, hetero hero Nick Jensen is gonna divorce the bejesus out of his wife and kids, because that'll teach the whole world, plus Australia, to "change the timeless and organic definition of marriage."

And the Jensens aren't the only heterosexicans who are going to stop this marriage and turn it around RIGHT NOW if gays and lesbians get to do it too.

Many Christians, like my wife and me, as well as people of other faiths, will simply reject the need for the State to recognise their marriage. Instead they will look to the authority of their church, mosque or temple.

Oh no, straight people won't even bother getting for-real married anymore?!? If we were in the bridal industry, that would make us super sad. On the other hand, if Good Christians and Good Other Faiths (whatever they are) decide to stop marrying each other, good, that leaves more marriage for the rest of us!

Not that he really means it. Sure, the Jensens might sign the paperwork, but they're going to keep pretending they're still married, call each other "husband" and "wife," and live in sin! And make more babies, out of wedlock! Which the Bible says is wrong, you dirty whores,unlessyou're doing it to make a point about how it's even more wrong to put an official state stamp on same-sex sexytime. Then it's OK. (Actually, the Bible doesn't give a shit. The Bible is like, "Be sure to get a good deal when you sell your daughter to her rapist, for some goats, and stay away from shellfish.")

Obviously, we are now even more eager for the U.S. of Australia to follow the global trend of GAY MARRIAGE FOR EVERYONE, so we can point and laugh at this dumb dick if and when he ditches his wife, to uphold the sanctity of marriage.

[ CityNews via Sidney Morning Herald ]