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You HAD to know, given that the two state legislators in this stupid Michigan sex scandal are rightwing teabagger Christians, that things would get even weirder and dumber. Friday, we told you how state Rep. Todd Courser came up with a Most Cunning Plan to cover up his affair with state Rep. Cindy Gamrat: He'd have an aide email the media a fake accusation that he was paying for gay hookers and addicted to porn, so that when the truth about his adulterous-but-hetero-affair with Gamrat came out, it would seem mild by comparison. Genius! And now, here's another shoe: Courser claims the only reason he made up that gay sex story was that he was being blackmailed, and he was going to use the fraudulent story to flush out the blackmailer. That's the ticket!


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Courser released a "long and rambling recording" Monday morning (we would embed the bizarre 27-minute audio, but darned if the Detroit Free Press has an embeddable version), in which:

[He] blames his former staffers, Ben Graham, Josh Cline and Keith Allard, for colluding with the Lansing "mafia" establishment to bring him down. And it didn't work, he said, because he's decided to stay in office to expose the "political shenanigans" that are happening in Lansing.

You hear that, Lansing power structure? Todd Courser is not your plaything! And any crystal dildo that he may have given Rep. Gamrat is also not your plaything; it is for realigning only her sexy chakras! There's a whole lot of apologizing, especially to Jebus, who Courser really knows he let down, but also a fair bit of defiance, because while he knows he's sinned, he's not going to deprive the good people of Michigan the representation that he knows he can give them, and besides, resigning is just what the blackmailer wants him to do.

Courser claimed that he received texts in May that were designed to blackmail him -- he doesn't specify what the supposed blackmailer wanted from him, other than his resignation -- and explains that he sent out the email accusing himself of hiring gay prostitutes as part of his own sting for the blackmailer:

The e-mail was put in motion to try and disrupt the blackmailer and to give me some clues as to what their ability was as far as surveillance over my life and the threats they were making. It was all done in a pressure cooker and … it put me in a situation where a bad choice or however you want to look at it was the choice that I made.

He also says that he's not even sure whether the recording released last week, of his conversation asking staffer Ben Graham to help him create the fake gay scandal, hasn't been altered. He's not saying it was altered. But maybe it was! He was trying to throw the blackmailer off balance, and it worked, he says, hinting that his staff might have been working with the blackmailers -- especially Graham, who Courser claims told him that he "had enough to bring me down." Courser also claims that his office has been bugged and his computer hacked, and the blackmailers are still after him!

"I see this as the way the establishment machine gets everyone to do what they're told to do," he says, "so no one will dare question their authority." He also pledges "to continue to resolve this issue and find out who the person is, but without police involvement and willingness to track the person do, it's nearly impossible to do so."

After the release of the recording, the three staffers, who were fired for "incompetence," shortly after receiving raises, issued a statement denying Courser's accusations, calling the whole mess "a very sad situation," and saying they looked forward to cooperating with any investigation of Courser's conduct.

Gosh, he's a brave crusader, fighting for Liberty against the corrupt insiders who want to destroy a Mavericky Maverick! Also, keep in mind that this is a guy who wrote a 2300-word rant about the seating chart for new members of the Legislature was a matter of utmost importance to the cause of Freedom, somehow. Posing as a lone outsider fighting The Establishment has been his shtick from the get-go, so why not apply that to his dumb sex scandal, too?

But is he going to knuckle under? Hell no, because it wasn't over when Delta House bombed the Germans, either:

I could have resigned, this is really the option that the anonymous texter wanted and done so quietly. But that would have allowed my personal issues to rule the day," he said. "I essentially would have submitted to the authority of the establishment machine and in doing so to protect myself and my family. And most of you would say this is the right decision. But I really thought that this would allow them to win."

You don't want THEM to win, do you? Of course you don't!

In the meantime, Courser and Gamrat's Republican colleagues are getting tired of all the drama, probably because they are either in on the plot to destroy Todd Courser or they would simply like the Legislature to function like a legislative body instead of a high school cafeteria. House Speaker Kevin Cotter dismissed the recording as "just another in a long series of deflections. He’s trying to deflect from himself and allege that others have done wrong," but added that while he'd prefer the two lovebirds resign, he won't take formal action until the completion of an investigation started Friday, to determine whether either legislator broke the law or House rules. Depending on the outcome of that investigation, the House business office could pass the matter along to law enforcement, or the House could start the process to expel Courser and Gamrat, which would require a 2/3 vote of the House.

We're sure that all the drama is nearly over, of course, because how ridiculous would it be for Courser to continue fighting a delusional, self-righteous crusade that keeps making him look more and more unstable?

[Detroit Free Press / Mlive.com]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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