Nice Obstruction Of Justice Investigation. Be A Shame If It Got Screwed Up Because Some Idiot Couldn't Stop Lying For Five Minutes.
We're trying to learn to love Michael Cohen, warts and all. But dammit that guy is gross and wart-y! Last week the president's former fixer swore to the House Oversight Committee that, "I have never asked for, nor would I accept, a pardon from Mr. Trump." Now the Wall Street Journal is reporting that Cohen's former attorney Stephen Ryan did just that.
Mr. Cohen's attorney at the time, Stephen Ryan, discussed the possibility of a pardon with lawyers for Mr. Trump in the weeks after the Federal Bureau of Investigation raided Mr. Cohen's home, office and hotel room, the people said. The pardon discussions occurred while Mr. Ryan was working alongside lawyers for Mr. Trump to review files seized from Mr. Cohen's premises by the FBI to determine whether they were protected by attorney-client privilege.
Cohen is still insisting that his testimony last week was truthful.
Now, we don't mean to get all galaxy brain on you, but either this is true, or it isn't. That is to say, either someone from Trumpland planted this story to discredit Cohen, or it actually happened. And if it is true, then ...
It's always the stupid lies with these people! Like Cohen swearing that he hadn't been trying to get a White House job when every reporter in DC knows that he wanted to be chief of staff. Cohen may have eventually convinced himself that he was content to remain the trusted fixer in New York -- to preserve attorney client privilege, as he said in last week's hearing -- but that doesn't magically disappear the people who heard him whining, "Boss, I miss you so much ... I wish I was down there with you. It's really hard for me to be here." That's like insisting your doctor ignore the scale and go by the weight on your driver's license. That shit's not gonna fly!
And worse than being foolish, it obscures the gross obstruction of justice taking place in plain sight. Because the Journal reports that the president's real life lawyers rebuffed Ryan's advances, as they should have. But Trump's TV lawyer expressly "left open the possibility" of a pardon down the road, even after Ryan allegedly linked the pardon to his client's decision to continue stonewalling the Manhattan prosecutors.
The president's lawyers, including Jay Sekulow, Rudy Giuliani and Joanna Hendon, dismissed the idea of a pardon at the time, these people said. But at least one of them, Mr. Giuliani, left open the possibility that the president could grant Mr. Cohen one in the future, they said.
Mr. Ryan left the impression that if Mr. Cohen couldn't rely on a pardon, he might cooperate with prosecutors from the Manhattan U.S. attorney's office investigating Mr. Cohen, the people said.
If President Hillary Clinton were contemplating a pardon of Huma Abedin in exchange for her refusal to cooperate with an ongoing law enforcement investigation, Republicans would burn down the White House! Instead, we have Rudy Giuliani out there saying, MAYBE HE WILL PARDON GOOD LITTLE BOYS WHO KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT, WHO KNOWS!
When lawyers have approached Mr. Giuliani about a presidential pardon for their client, "I always give the same answer which is, 'The president is not going to consider any pardons at this time and nobody should think that he is,'" Mr. Giuliani said. He added that he also tells lawyers, referring to the president: "Whatever happens in the future, that is his prerogative."
Mr. Giuliani declined to say whether any lawyers for Mr. Cohen had contacted him, though he said "I would assume ones representing Cohen" were among the several lawyers he said have asked him about pardons for their clients.
That's right, errrrybody is approaching the president to see if maybe their clients can get a Get Out of Jail Free card if they keep quiet when the feds and now Congress come knocking. Which is some banana republic shit, and it's happening right under our noses.
So thanks a whole lot, Michael Cohen! Because now the conversation is about the credibility of the witness -- whom we all agree is a liarfuckingliar -- and not the fact that the president's lawyers are entertaining solicitations for future pardons in an apparent attempt to obstruct justice. NOT HELPING, DUDE.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.