Nice White Power Ranger Blows Up Own Leg While Making Bombs
An upstate New York gent was busy building some improvised explosive devices in his garage a couple weeks ago when one exploded (in an improvised manner) and blew off his leg. And now poor Michael O’Neill, 45, a former corrections officer with Niagara County, who was already under arrest for the illegal explosives, is being held as a security risk because police found a bunch of Nazi, KKK, and white-power detritus in the guy's garage. Not that white supremacists are dangerous, that's just racist against their heritage and their IEDs.
We sort of have to admire the completely likely explanation that O'Neill's lawyer, Joe LaTona, offered for why his client had seven homemade explosive devices in his garage, some packed with nails, and others with BBs. According to LaTona:
O'Neill was planning to blow up tree stumps, and shrapnel would help make a cleaner cut.
LaTona argued the government hasn't shown O'Neill had a destructive device, and there's no indication it was going to be used against people or property. He said there wasn't clear and convincing evidence to detain O'Neill, who can't even walk on his own.
"I was disappointed with the ruling and we will seek its review," LaTona said.
Assistant U.S. Attorney John Alsup rejected the notion that the explosives would be useful on tree stumps, and said that O'Neill will remain in custody for the safety of the community, and his other leg, at least until a preliminary hearing, scheduled for Aug. 18.
He is no longer at large in the community with or without some of the physical disabilities he's going to have going forward, but luckily for the community, he only hurt himself.
We're not sure how O'Neill will react to the realization that, with his improvised homemade limb amputation, he has now become a member of a protected minority group, since he'll be covered by the Americans With Disabilities Act.
O'Neill's neighbors told a local TV station he fit the profile of a weird loner, and that they never saw him out during the day:
"We only know that we see him at night," O'Neill's neighbor Jim Cody said. "All hours of the night, all seasons, [he's] just out in the garage."
Which puts us in mind of a song, actually. And so, Mr. O'Neil, we dedicate this Tom Waits anthem of suburban paranoia to you and your race war on stumps:
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.