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A lot of people say Nikki Haley sold her soul to Donald Trump, but that would imply the pre-existence of a soul, to which we reply OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR, ASSERTS FACTS NOT IN EVIDENCE.

Haley dons a hero's cape when she feels it will benefit her politically -- like when she reluctantly finally decided it was time to remove the Confederate flag from the South Carolina statehouse just after a white supremacist murdered nine black churchgoers in 2015, except for she defended that flag in 2014 and as recently as like five minutes ago expressed regret that white supremacists had gone and made that flag all racist. (That wasn't a new thought from her, either. She complained that Dylann Roof had "hijacked" the Confederate flag way back in 2016, while expressing her sober wishes that Donald Trump wouldn't be so ugly to the minorities all the time, not that she thinks he's racist, no he never!)

Nikki Haley's message just depends on what audience she's tailoring her message for, is our point. And in the days of Trump, she's tailoring her message for asshole Trump Republicans, because she'd really like to be president in 2024, or maybe 2020 if something comes up, not that she wants anything to come up, perish the thought.

Anyway, Haley was on "Hannity" last night, being a lying, craven asshole, because that's who she is.


HALEY: You don't see anyone standing up for Iran. You're not hearing any of the Gulf members, you're not hearing China, you're not hearing Russia. The only ones that are mourning the loss of Soleimani are Democrat leadership and our Democrat presidential candidates.

Oh go fuck yourself.

First off, pretty much everybody condemned Trump's trigger-happy prematurely ejaculatory targeted killing of Soleimani. Yes, China and Russia, but also France. Germany, and the UK were initially more measured in their statements, but they didn't sound pleased, and with each passing day, they continue to back away slowly from President Batshit. As for Trump's ongoing threats to bomb the shit out of Iran's cultural sites, orders the Pentagon seems unwilling to carry out, even Boris Johnson is decidedly not here for it.

So that's one lie.

But then Haley employed the age-old trope of calling Democrats terrorist-sympathizers who hate America when she said we are somehow "mourning" the loss of Soleimani. Nobody is actually "mourning" this dude, but we definitely understand that's what Republicans say whenever a Democrat points out that maybe Donald Trump's latest foreign policy failure -- or any other Republican president's latest foreign policy failure! -- was a bugfucking shitshow of stable genius proportions.

Which is why this tweet from the Washington Post's Greg Sargent is ... kinda wrong.

On one hand, he's right. Nikki Haley is definitely wallowing in the pig slop of Trumpism!

But again, we heard similar recriminations from Republicans during Dubya's Iraq adventure and all the other times before that, all the way back to Vietnam. (To be fair to Greg, he agreed a minute later that Republicans have always done this.)

Really, after Trump's dumbfuck targeted killing, the GOP finally has the one thing that was missing from the Trump presidency, by the standards they've set for the past 50 years or so. They're finally getting their chance to say that Democrats hate America because they won't unquestionably support a stupid new war created by a stupid Republican president. (Here is lesser-ranked wingnut Mark Levin saying precisely that.)

Fox News shares more Haley quotes from "Hannity," which saves us from having to find more video and force ourselves to watch it:

Haley said the strike that killed Soleimani left Iran "shaking in their boots" and added that the Tehran government "did not see this coming."

What the president did left the Iranian regime completely flat-footed," she said. "... They thought that they could continue to do their multiple strikes, but when it got to the lives of Americans, the president is never going to allow that to happen ... You could see the Ayatollah crying today, because that was his number one strategist. That was the number one guy that has literally told all of the proxies in all of these countries who to kill, when to kill, how to kill, and that guy's now gone."

Hahahahahahahahahahaha, you betcha, Iran is just "shaking in their boots" and "flat-footed" and the Ayatollah is crying because now that Trump murdered this one Iranian guy hardly anybody in America had ever heard of, the Ayatollah is simply powerless to strike back.

You know, except for how Iran is obviously planning its retaliation right now.

And is saying out loud that it plans to retaliate.

And American servicemembers and/or diplomats and/or contractors and/or civilians are likely to get killed because of it.

And also Iran is pulling out of the multi-lateral nuclear deal Barack Obama negotiated, the one Trump already pulled America out of in 2018. Heckuva job, stupidass.

Anyway, our point is go fuck yourself, Nikki Haley, wait did we say that already? Oh well, bless her heart.

[Fox News]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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