Nikki Haley's Got Two Thousand And Twenty Problems, But The UN Ambassadorship Ain't One

National Politics

Why is Nikki Haley noping out of the UN ambassadorship by year's end? Dunno! But we've got 2,020 guesses!

This morning, the Axios shoe phone rang with the news that the well-oiled White House machine was losing one of the last "adults in the room." Moments after Jonathan Swan broke the scoop, Trump tweeted a summons for reporters to race upstairs for a presser on yet another successful resignation. They said it couldn't be done, no one ever had such tremendous staff turnover. But Trump proved the haters wrong! Winning!

Haley smiled for the cameras and insisted that she was definitely NOT considering a primary challenge to Trump. It's just time to go because, oh, so many reasons. Like she can think of two-thousand and twenty reasons right off the top of her head! And Americans have nothing to worry about, because she's leaving the nation's foreign affairs in the capable hands of Jared Kushner, "a hidden genius that no one understands."

Anyway, her departure has absolutely nothing to do with the ethics complaint filed YESTERDAY by Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) over flights Haley and her husband took on private jets with "friends" who happened to be South Carolina businessmen who donated to her previous gubernatorial campaigns. So just put that -- and all the other members of the Trump swamp who got in trouble for their hinky first-class air travel -- right out of your filthy mind.

Here, have a palate-cleanser.

Now poor Ben will have to work that much harder to pretend that THIS IS ALL FINE!

It's not that Haley was a good ambassador, really. But we have to agree with Shapiro that her departure is not a positive thing. She's one of the few Trumplanders who do evil shit on purpose, rather than stumbling into it by accident while high on Fox and bootleg Viagra. If she was going to stab the Palestinians in the back, at least she let them know it was coming. She was terrible, but in an entirely predictable way, so you knew what to pack for your trip to hell.

God only knows what nightmare replacement Republicans will jam through in the lame duck session. Gorka? Yeezy? Javanka? So many bad, bad options, so little time. Because right after the midterms we'll be revving up for the 2020 presidential election. Which Nikki Haley will definitely not be participating in! She said so herself in this resignation letter. And we all know that politicians never lie, right? RIGHT?


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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