No, Gary Cohn, You're Still Not Invited To Seder!
So now you have a conscience, Gary? You've had a front row seat to our national nightmare for a whole year, and only now that The Idiot wants to start a trade war you've decided you don't like what you see? Oh no, my friend! You don't get to come back and eat matzah balls with (((us))) after parking your tuchas at Pharaoh's table. The first line of your obituary will describe you as a "former Trump official." You will never get the stink of this off you, Boychik!
You stuck it out after Trump called the Charlottesville Nazis "very fine people." What's one more dead girl when you've already decided that a guy who pals around with Alex Jones, Sebastian Gorka, and Steve Bannon is kosher, right? You had to get your miserable tax cut, and you didn't mind hanging around with a bunch of anti-Semites who were intent upon dismantling the social safety net and stoking racial hatred to do it.
And speaking of the tax cut, your White House compatriots were only too glad to stand behind the venerable money guy from Goldman Sachs while they shoveled cash into the pockets of the superrich. You promised America that this tax scam would jumpstart the economy, that businesses would raise wages and hire thousands of new workers. But you knew damn well that the vast majority of the benefits would go to share buybacks, dividends and tax cuts for rich people. You're not some displaced steel worker grasping at any hope! You are a multi-millionaire who knew that the plan gutted healthcare for millions of people while handing them a few hundred dollars to tide them over through the next electoral cycle. You happily surrendered your credibility to sell the country on this pile of shit. And you don't get it back when you walk out the White House door!
Too subtle? YOU'RE THE CRICKET, GARY.
So, no, you're not invited to my Seder. You stayed in that White House while ICE shock troops separated sick immigrant kids from their parents and sent refugees back to war-torn countries to die. Your family was lucky enough to make it out of Eastern Europe alive, but the "shithole countries" comment didn't bother you? You should probably excuse yourself from the table when they read that part of the Hagaddah from Exodus, "You shall not oppress the stranger, for you know the feelings of the stranger, having yourselves been strangers in the Land of Israel." How do you even look at yourself in the mirror knowing you were a part of a government that sent border police out to kick over water jugs so people would die of thirst in the desert, Gary?
Yesterday Trump responded to the news of your departure by bragging about all the very fine people lining up to take your spot as Director of the National Economic Council.
I could take any position in the White House and I’ll have a choice of the 10 top people having to do with that position. Everybody wants to be there. And they love this White House because we have energy like rarely before.
And everyone laughed! Because no competent person wants to be a part of this shitshow. They're even talking about bringing that alleged wifebeater Puzder in to replace you -- only a person who's already got stink on him would take the job. Do you get it, Gary? Everyone associated with this administration will spend the rest of his days wandering in the desert.
Oh, sure, you'll land on your feet. You'll probably get to go back to Goldman Sachs and make several hundred million more dollars. But you will never get your reputation back. You got into bed with this corrupt buffoon and lay there with him while he destroyed the country so you could get your precious tax cut. AND NO ONE WILL EVER FORGET IT.
If Trump is Russia's whore, Gary, what does that make you?
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[All images from the wonderful website YiddishWit.com]
Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.