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No One Told Us All These Conservatives Would Be At CPAC

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Good news: They let us in! Bad News: They let us in. The Marriott Wardman Hotel & Conference Centre is much like a mall where you can't find anything except the big anchor store, which is Mitch McConnell. But alas, after stepping over a few mass graves, we checked into CPAC for Wonkete.com. Jesus, even Cindy McCain knows there are two T's.


Now we are going to cover conservatives or maybe get drunk alone at the bar, STAY TUNED.

Oh, here's the red carpet to the Conservative Dating thingie. The hallway reeks of no-sex.

Now we're listening to Andrew Breitbart rant about the Ocupados: "I hate these bastards," he says. "I really hate these bastards." He has a movie coming out about them! The trailer looked so-so.

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If there is anything that right-wing men seem to love, it is paying lots and lots of money to other dudes who will tell them how to live and/or function.

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Screenshot- Laura Ingraham Show

According to Rachel Campos Duffy, former reality TV personality and current Fox News personality, migrant baby jails are better than the "Projects". And she totally knows this for fact because she has a "black friend" who told her so. This totally mysterious black friend enlightened her on the horrors faced by black people in black places, which makes it perfectly okay for Trumpco to lock away those "privileged" brown babies. Also, stop being mean to her for spewing that hot garbage on the Laura Ingraham (who believes baby jails are like "Summer Camp") show, because it's not fair that you refuse to believe she has a black friend.

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