An emergency, apparently

North Carolina is having A Emergency right now. What's the 411 on the 911? It's so bad, you're going to want to start getting your thoughts 'n' prayers ready to send ASAP:

North Carolina lawmakers return to work in a special session Wednesday to consider stopping a new Charlotte ordinance set to take effect April 1 that gives protections to transgender people to use the restroom of their gender identity.

Oh. That's the emergency? The city of Charlotte passed an ordinance that says you can dump your piss in whatever public potty you choose, and the state's legislators think this is SO bad and SO wrong, they're calling a special session to try to stop it? Tell us why, Republican House Speaker Tim Moore:

"When a local government goes on such a radical course and a reckless course, we in the General Assembly I think not only have the authority but actually the duty to do something about it, and in this case we're going to," Moore said Tuesday.

Like every other disgusting pervert who wants a peek at your pants to see what kind of ding-dong you have in there, Moore thinks stopping Charlotte is so crapping critical that it's worth spending $42,000 a day to "do something about it." We're sure he did a careful survey of North Carolina's taxpayers to ensure that this is how they want the state to spend their money. Moore, no doubt a fiscal conservative, is hoping he and his fellow bigots can wrap this up by the end of Wednesday, to keep this necessary cost -- of 42 goddamned grand A DAY -- down.

But wait! Since they're all gathered together for this special session, why not fling some extra poo while they're at it?

Wait, what? Wasn't the whole point of this little 42,000-buckaroo special session to stop Charlotte's local government from its radical and reckless course? For the womens and the childrens, so they don't have to drop dookies next to a woman who was born with her pee hole on the outside? Guess the GOP gang in the General Assembly -- not big fans of the gaymosexuals to begin with -- figgers they oughta kill some LGB birds with the T stone, since they're there and all.

What a terrific use of time and tax dollars. What a wonderful way to send a message across the land that North Carolina hates LGBTians so damned hard, it's worth tens of thousands of dollars a day to try to pass a bill that says so. A bill that Republican Gov. Pat McCrory, who opposes Charlotte's ordinance because ick and eww and he's a jerknozzle, might not even sign because "a top aide told legislators Monday the bill's scope had widened too far." He's down with the trans-bashing, we guess, but let's not get carried away!

But hey, maybe it'll all work out, and the legislature will quickly pass this emergency bill to protect bigots, and the governor will immediately sign it, and LGBT North Carolinians will be shoved back in their closets where they belong, and it will only have cost the taxpayers a mere $42,000. What a win.



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