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In a cascade of cynical ratfuckery that absolutely nobody could have predicted when the SCOTUSgutted the Voting Rights Act a month ago, a bill making its way through the North Carolina Senate will impose all sorts of beautiful new restrictions on voting, because apparently North Carolina is having a buy one, get eleventy free sale on terrible legislation this summer. Whoever's double dog daring Republicans to enact awful laws in North Carolina, could you please just stop now?


For North Carolina's fabulous new voter suppression package, requiring photo ID is just the start. Really, so many states have that now, and while nearly 10% of the state's voters lack photo ID, that still leaves lots of people who might still be able to cast ballots! North Carolina has a menu of other vote-suppressing measures straight out of Karl Rove's wet dreams! ThinkProgress has a handy list:

Eliminating same-day voter registration and cutting early voting by a week.  Early voting and same-day registration make voting convenient. As everyone knows, convenience equals fraud.

Ending pre-registration for 16- and 17-year-olds and repealing a requirement that high schools conduct voter registration. Kids these days have all kinds of crazy ideas, and making it convenient for them to register to vote only encourages them to think they have a say in government.

Only permitting people to vote in their specific precinct, so that if someone shows up at the wrong precinct, their vote will be disqualified. In urban areas, where a single building can account for several precincts, this should lead to a lot of votes being thrown out or never cast in the first place. Funny how that works out!

Making it easier to challenge a voter's eligibility. Groups trying to challenge voters now only need to find challengers who are registered in the same county as the person they challenge. Challengers previously had to be from the same precinct. So if you want to vote, you have to go to precisely the right spot. If you want to stop someone from voting, close enough is just awesome.

Increasing the number of poll watchers who can hang around -- possibly lurk, or even loom -- at polling places to keep an eye on the suspicious types who think they should be allowed to vote. It's strictly Bring Your Own Billyclub, though.

Prohibiting counties from extending voting hours if there are long lines or other unusual contingencies. On top of that, it will now be harder to assist elderly or disabled voters with satellite polling places, for instance at nursing homes. Voting is for triathletes, not the infirm!

Oh, and just to balance things out, while voting will become a lot harder for some folks, the inalienable rights of corporations and big donors will actually be strengthened, as maximum campaign donations will be raised and disclosure of where the money comes from will be relaxed, for freedom. But three programs for public funding of elections -- including one for judicial elections -- will be terminated, because if you can't buy a judge, are you truly free?

Now, there's no need to get all het up about these measures being a naked power grab designed to insure a permanent electoral advantage for the GOP. If people don't like these laws, they can simply elect a legislature that will repeal them. If they can find an open polling place where they can convince someone that they're qualified to vote.

[ThinkProgress / ProgressivePulse]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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