North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory Failing SO HARD Right Now, And It Is Hilarious
Is his brain broken? MAYBE
Wingnut North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory -- remember him? He's the Captain Of Butthurt who loves his anti-LGBT hate law HB 2 so much he can't stand it, and he is losing in the polls to sexy Democratic North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper -- has had a really shitty run the past few days! And because he's such a pissant bigot, instead of being sad for him, we are happy with glee to piss on his Corn Flakes and pour them on top of his head afterward, all while LOLing!
Nice lawsuit you've got there, Gov. McCrory. Shame if anything happened to it.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/601575/north-carolina-sues-obama-over-god-given-right-to-fiddle-around-inside-your-pants"></a>[/wonkbar]First off, you will recall that back in May, McCrory decided to waste North Carolina taxpayer dollars and time, saying "I SUE YOU!" to the Obama administration, which had simply informed him that the HB 2 law was a steaming pile of shit, and also was in violation of federal law. In response, U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch said, "I SUE YOU BACK HARDER, WITH MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS!"
Well, on Friday, Gov. McCrory withdrew his lawsuit, on account of "the substantial costs to the State of litigating similar legal issues in two different judicial districts, and the interests of judicial economy and efficiency," and maybe also because his lawsuit was probably going to get tossed in the trash anyway. As Slate's Mark Joseph Stern points out, even before the Obama administration's suit against the state, North Carolina had already been sued by the ACLU and others over the HB 2 law, and it's not going well for McCrory and pals.
Ooh, but maybe Governor Dumbass has ONE WEIRD TRICK! Just kidding, no he doesn't.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/599946/north-carolina-drops-42k-to-make-sure-you-go-potty-the-right-way"></a>[/wonkbar]BUT WAIT! Maybe McCrory had A Idea on Friday too, that could make all these problems go away! If you remember, the original "reason" HB 2 had to be passed -- why there was a special $42,000 emergency session called on the important subject of where people deposit their pee -- was because the city of Charlotte passed a broad nondiscrimination ordinance. This could not stand! Because WHAT ABOUT OUR WIVES AND DAUGHTERS? And now everybody including Jesus and Santa hates North Carolina and the state is losing shitloads of money. BUT WHAT IF McCrory could convince Charlotte to repeal its ordinance, and in exchange the legislature could convene -- in a special session again! -- and would repeal HB 2, and then we can forget this ever happened?
So McCrory begged Charlotte to please do that. Charlotte Mayor Jennifer Roberts responded Monday that McCrory is welcome to go to hell and suck a dick:
Charlotte’s response? Absolutely not. Mayor Jennifer Roberts signaled on Monday that the city council refuses to even discuss the option. She did, however, “applaud the governor for recognizing the state should overturn HB2, which the state can do at any time without any action from the City of Charlotte.”
Is it more complicated than that? OF COURSE! If you'd like to read up on all the pissing contests happening between Charlotte and the state government, check out this Observer piece.
Gov. McCrory is very good at answering questions asked by Gov. McCrory.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/606539/north-carolina-gop-throws-hilarious-tantrum-over-ncaa-being-nice-to-transgender-peeps"></a>[/wonkbar]All the business we just told you started on Friday. But Gov. McCrory was already failing hard on Thursday, because he's a moron. That day, he gave a presser where he whined his sad ass off about the NCAA pulling championship events out of the state on account of HB 2. But that is not the funny part. The funny part is how he acted like three submitted questions were from the Charlotte Observer, when the true fact of the matter is they were written by his own staff. The Observer is pissed, y'all:
When the moderator asked how to get started, McCrory said, “Anything you like. No filter here.” Sure, who needs a filter when you posed the questions yourself?
When I tried to ask McCrory a question, the filter went up. “We’ve got three Observer questions answered already. I think you guys dominate the news enough.”
Of course, those weren’t Observer questions. They were softballs from his staff about what he wanted to do with his next term; how he wanted to reduce the state’s rape kit backlog; and how the state crime lab performed under McCrory’s opponent, Roy Cooper.
When the event was over, McCrory did not meet with the throng of reporters who were there. He ducked out a side door and down a hall that led to a back exit. I followed him to try to ask him about HB2, but his staff blocked me.
Did any other embarrassing things happen to Gov. McCrory this past week? Is he trapped in the boys' locker room right now (NO TRANSGENDERS ALLOWED!) because a bunch of pranksters pants-ed him and are currently pointing at him, calling him "Patty Patty No Pants"? PROBABLY, but we don't have confirmation of that, because we just made it up. The point is that things are going shitty for him, and that makes us glad.