North Carolina Will Make You Wait For That Abortion Until You Realize You Don't Want It

Chicks, amirite? So hormonal and impulsive and never knowing what they really want. That's why they are lucky to have the North Carolina General Assembly to protect them from making bad decisions, with HB 465 -- a bill to extend the state's 24-hour waiting period for abortions to 72 hours, which passed on Thursday. Because really, is one day enough time to realize you don't want to kill your baby? Probably not.

State Rep. Jacqueline Schaffer (R-As if you didn't know), one of the bill's sponsors, explained this week why it's so important to make women wait even longer for a legal medical procedure:

“We see waiting periods all throughout areas of our society in the medical context as well as in the real estate context, in the, you know, issues relating to marriage,” Schaffer insisted. “The poorest decisions that we make are the ones that we make under pressure and on impulse and so we want to ensure that women have ample amount of time to receive that information so that they can make the best decision.”

And if you get a cooling-off period when you buy a house, which is basically the same thing, why shouldn't you be required to have a cooling-off period before you have an abortion? You know, a longer one than the state already mandates. Not to mention the fact that most women have probably already done a "waiting period," IN THEIR OWN BRAINS, before they go to the clinic!

Besides, she added, this bill isn't about making it harder for women to exercise their legal rights. No, it's about EMPOWERING them, with GRRRRRL POWER, yay feminism!

“We believe we have come to a decision on this language that really does empower women and promotes the health and safety of women as they are making these important decisions,” she added. “So we believe that this is truly a bill that those that are both pro-life and pro-choice can get behind.”

As always, these "pro-lifers" are just lookin' out for the ladies, making sure abortion is real safe because they looooooooove women, especially the dumb ones who don't know how to make the right decisions about whether to have babies. (The right decision is always to have that baby, you dumb whore.)

That's why the bill also contains, as we mentioned before, a prohibition against the medical schools at East Carolina University and University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill teaching students how to perform abortions. Because if fewer doctors even know how to safely perform abortions, that should decrease the likelihood that women end up having dangerous back-alley abortions, or DIY coat-hanger abortions, or having their boyfriends beat their bellies with baseball bats. Except, wait a minute, no. Women will still try to terminate their pregnancies, but the danger will increase, and more women will end up injured or dead, which is not very pro-life, is it? Somehow, though, that's making abortion safer for ladies, and why can't the pro-choicers get behind that? (Because they know better, that's why.)

Another Republican co-sponsor of the bill, state Rep. Michele Presnell, who said she doesn't "agree with abortion in any way," so we know her motives are pure, thinks it's no big deal to make women wait 72 hours because that's "only three days," and that's probably the right amount of time for pregnant women, especially the young ones, to change their minds:

These young girls, when they go in there, some of them very abrupt, very quickly they make that decision that they’re going to get rid of this baby.

The bill contains some other protections for women, like barring the use of state money, which makes abortion safer ... somehow? (Not really. Or at all.) It also requires abortion providers to send copies of ultrasounds to the North Carolina Department of Health and Human Services, and in case you were wondering, nope, no other medical providers have to send pictures to the department when performing any other medical procedures. It's almost as if they're just trying to make it extra burdensome for abortion providers only, weird! But this somehow empowers women and makes abortion safer too.

The bill heads to the state Senate next, and then if Republican Gov. Pat McCrory signs it into law, the legislature can start all over again, by extending the waiting period another 24 hours. Or 72 hours. Or nine months. To empower women and make sure they have enough time to decide to do the right thing.



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