We Don't Mean To Be Rude, But Paul Manafort's Lawyer Is A Sh*thole Garbage Person
We think we've been pretty clear about the fact that we do not like Paul Manafort's lead counsel Kevin Downing, and yes, it's very petty and we think he has a stupid face and stupid hair and looks like the kind of guy who gets kicked out of the Texas Roadhouse chain restaurant for getting drunk and putting raw peanut shells in his butt in public. We're just judgmental like that, OK?
And we've been particularly disgusted reading his NO COLLUSION court filings for Manafort, intended not for a court of law, but pretty obviously for President Shithole, in hopes of a pardon for his client. That was only magnified when he walked out of the Eastern District of Virginia last week and said NO COLLUSION, which led Donald Trump directly to lie and say Judge T.S. Ellis had cleared Trump of collusion and conspiracy and general crime regarding his relationship with Russia.
And then FUCKER DID IT AGAIN. After Judge Amy Berman Jackson sentenced his client to several more years in federal prison, and after she gave his client and himself a massive verbal beatdown for their craven bullshit arguments about NO COLLUSION, Downing walked out of the courthouse and lied, saying Amy Berman Jackson had cleared Manafort and Trump of all guilt related to NO COLLUSION.
DOWNING: Judge Jackson conceded that there was absolutely no evidence of any Russian collusion in this case, so that makes TWO COURTS, two courts have ruled no evidence of any collusion with any Russians.
NO, you motherfucking meatheaded Son of Meatball, that is not what she said. In fact she made crystal clear she wasn't ruling on anything resembling that, because, as Judge Ellis pointed out in Virginia, this case isn't about that.
The Washington Post has some full quotes from the hearing on exactly what Amy Berman Jackson had to say about NO COLLUSION, just before Downing ran outside and pulled his pants down (allegedly!) and showed everybody how he had written NO COLLUSION on his dick with a Sharpie (allegedly!):
"The 'no collusion' refrain that runs through the entire defense memorandum is unrelated to matters at hand," she said. "The 'no collusion' mantra is simply a non sequitur."
Then she added: "The 'no collusion' mantra is also not accurate, because the investigation is still ongoing."
She also called "unsubstantiated" the defense's insistence that Mueller only charged Manafort with all this shit because he was somehow unable to bring charges related to NO COLLUSION. She even noted with side-eye that they didn't seem to be saying that for the benefit of the court, because, duh, THEY WEREN'T.
But sure, whatever, lie for the the benefit of the barely literate/barely sentient shitscab currently squatting at 1600 Pennsylvania, if you think that strategy is a good one. (By the time Downing said that, we are guessing he already knew about the new Manafort indictments in the state of New York, which are out of the reach of Trump's pardon power, so if Downing does think that's a good strategy at this point, he's dumber than he looks, which is pretty dumb.)
The good news is that this time, protesters were ready to take a warm piss all over Downing's public statement, screaming "LIAR!" and "THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE SAID" for all the cameras to hear, because A) he was lying and B) that's not what she said. So enjoy masturbating to THAT video, Mister President!
At the end of his statement, Downing called Berman Jackson's sentence "callous" and "unnecessary," which is also a good description for his face, did we make fun of his meatheaded "I played football in college but then I let my body go for 500 years after that" face twice in this post already? Yes? OK, well there's a third one!)
In summary and in conclusion, before the Manafort trial, people used to say nice things like "Kevin Downing is a real lawyer." We even said them at Wonkette! People probably aren't going to say that very much in the future, we are just guessing.
And with that, it's been a long day and we're tired, so have an OPEN THREAD.
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