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It starts with glitter...but escalates to streamers and balloons


Super tough guy, Trump surrogate, and occasional jail death ignorer David Clarke, the Sheriff of Milwaukee County, was terrified and very triggered by the Women's March in Washington Saturday, where he saw what's ahead for America: mere anarchy loosed upon the world!

Yep, that sure was some total collapse of the social order. Come see the violence and anarchy! The sheer madness!

But maybe this is one of those things where perspective is everything, and the adorable child with the self-made sign is not representative of the complete madness in the streets, not to mention all the rioting Saturday!

Egad! Taunting with malice aforethought! That's some riot! Say, how many arrests were there in all this rioting Saturday?

the Women's March on Washington didn't yield a single arrest, according to D.C. Homeland Security Director Christopher Geldart.

Duh, because as Sheriff Clarke makes quite clear, there wasn't a cop in sight to arrest the malefactors for the offense of saying bad things. Lucky thing he was out of his own jurisdiction, because on his home turf, Sheriff Clarke is free to be much more of a badass when it comes to particular individuals suspected of taunting and head-shaking. On January 15, Clarke was the victim of a brutal assault in the form of a man shaking his head at him as the two boarded an airplane in Dallas, bound for Milwaukee. The assailant, one Dan Black, admits to the offense in his complaint to the Milwaukee County Sheriff's Office:

As I passed him, I asked if he was Sheriff Clarke, and he responded in the affirmative. I shook my head as I was moving on to my seat near the back of the plane. From behind, he asked if I had a problem. I shook my head “no” again and continued to my seat. [...]

I intentionally did not say anything more to him because I did not want to make a scene or get in trouble as a Milwaukee man did in September when confronting Clarke on an airplane. I just moved on and took my seat.

Such riotous and clearly dangerous head-shaking was not to be tolerated, of course, so when the plane landed in Milwaukee, Black said, he was met by "six uniformed deputies and two bomb/drug dogs"; he says Clarke gestured to the deputies, who then questioned him for about 15 minutes and escorted him out of the airport like the obvious threat to public safety he was.

Ah, but there are two sides to every head-shake, so Clarke took to the Sheriff's Office Faceplace to warn all would-be rudeness perpetrators that next time, they may face whatever means Sheriff Clarke feels necessary to protect himself:

It is a well-known fact that most incidents of rude head-shaking are a prelude to an assault, and this Dan Black is damned lucky to have escaped with only a public shaming and not a beatdown.

Sheriff Clarke was not the only victim of a vicious taunting assault at the DC march. Clarke retweeted this irrefutable proof that the Women's march was led by ISIS, as posted by a member of "Bikers 4 Liberty" (a different group from "Bikers For Trump," keep in mind):

You might note the lack of any women in that video, several comments said this did not happen in DC Saturday, but what is truth, anyway? It certainly wasn't at the event on the Mall, but there's definitely a mask and a burning flag, so ISIS led the women's march riot, QED. Besides, there was other violence, too!

When will this madness end, America? Can the tattered remnants of the social order ever be brought back together? Only if we start busting heads, that's for damn sure. Thank god there's finally a strongman in the White House to protect us from these taunting, head-shaking glitter terrorists.

[Mediaite / David Clarke on Twitter / NBC Washington]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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