Obama Announces Candidacy For President Of Cuba

Technically-still-President Barack Obama took his family on a vacay to Cuba, to see its famous cigars and smoke its famous sights and make Cuban-Canadian-Texan-Spunkface Ted Cruz real mad about it. Oh, and to try to further normalize relations with Cuba since hiding under our beds from the communist threat of the 1950s is just so last century.

Obviously, it was the president's decision to travel to Cuba that directly led to the terrorist attacks in Brussels Tuesday morning. If you are this jackhole Fox News contributor and former derpwriter for President Gee Dubya.

The president is delivering a major address in Havana, where he is expected to renounce his Kenyan-American citizenship and declare he is ex-patting to Cuba, where he will become its usurper-in-chief for life. Let's watch!