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Obama Boots Trump's 400lb. Russian Hackers. Wonkagenda For Fri., Dec. 30, 2016
- Yesterday Obama accused a bunch of Russian diplomats of spying, then told them to GTFO and leave the keys to their swanky spy mansions, so Putin has
decidedthought about kicking some U.S. diplomats out of Russia, and closed an international k-12 school (that they say is "fake"). Meanwhile, Russia's prime minister Dmitry Medvedev is tweeting how Obama gave him butthurt right in the fee-fees. Maybe the Russian reset button worked after all?
- Incoming White House press secretary Sean Spicer won't hold traditional press conferences because he sees the press as "left of center" with their damn fact-checking and annoying questions.
- Businesses are tripping over themselves to get on their knees before Trump makes them hold their breath and swallow a dangerous economic policy that sees the invisible hand reaching around to pick winners.
- High profile Republicans in the Senate are joining Democrats to oppose Trump's border wall because they prefer authentic Messican taco bowls and margaritas over cheap Chinese knock-offs.
- The list of preachers and God spox for the inauguration is exactly what you'd expect from Trump's team: immigrant-hating anti-abortionists who hate the vagenda and how it turns us all into secret Manchurian Muslim candidates who have buttsex and worship Satan.
- Carl Paladino has been "You're Fired" from the Buffalo Board of Education in a 6-2 vote for being a genuine racist scum bag, but his defenders think you should show him some sympathy, like Dylan Roof. Really!
- The U.K. is trying to rekindle its marriage with the E.U. now that those filthy sluts they were dating have left them to literally watch Twitter and wait longingly for a phone call.
- The lunatic Trumpkins planning the post-inauguration cocktail party dubbed "Deploraball" are seeing rifts between those mouthy anti-Semites and the regular Trumpkin jerks, forcing them to issue refunds and rules as their guest list gets smaller and smaller.
- Some whackjob in Virginia thinks porn is a public health hazard because it encourages infidelity, boners, and body image disorders as opposed to satisfaction and naps.
- And, finally, your morning Nice Time, baby goats in pajamas!