Newest Rightwing Butthurt: In his speech on immigration reform, Traitor Usurper Friend Of Lawbreakers Barack Hussein Obama, who never mentions Jesus on Easter or Christmas, actually referenced the Bible, and now that's a terrible thing. As part of his address, Obama said,


"Scripture tells us that we shall not oppress a stranger, for we know the heart of a stranger -- we were strangers once, too. My fellow Americans, we are and always will be a nation of immigrants. We were strangers once, too."

The kind folks at Get Religion note that this is a reference to the Book of Exodus (specifically Exodus 23:9, although Exodus 22:21 is similar), that Bible story about undocumented immigrants leaving Egypt, crossing the Rio Grande Red Sea without permission while pursued by the Border Patrol, and settling in Israel without visas.

You might think that conservatives would be delighted that Obama, what with his devotion to atheist Muslim liberation theology, had finally invoked the Bible for the very first time in his public career, but instead, they were astonished that his lips did not catch fire from quoting the Worship Words, which are for Yang Chieftans only (and don't even get us started on the people in comments sections attributing "The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose" to the Bible -- you know, from Paul's Letter to the Merchants Of Venice).

On Fox and Friends, Steve Doocy was dumbfounded that Obama would mention Scripture, though God knows it wasn't anything from any Scripture that he recognized, because as he understands it, Scripture "had to do with feeding the poor and the hungry, and nothing about visas."

Tucker Carlson also mocked the "Bible Scholar in Chief" for blasphemously suggesting that God might have a problem with "kicking people out of your country who come here illegally," which, happily, was not enforced against the Children of Israel. (We kid, of course -- they were on a mission from God.)

Charles Krauthammer weighed in, finding it incredible that the president would cite Scripture even as he trashed Jesus's Constitution (we are perhaps paraphrasing). Carlson jumped in again, noting that mass murderers aren't even allowed to mention the Bible:

For this guy specifically, the president who spent his career defending late-term abortion, among other things, lecturing us on Christian faith? That's too much. That is too much ... This is the Christian Left at work, and it's repugnant.

Spoken like a meek inheritor of the Earth, indeed. And Elisabeth Hasselbeck, clearly aware that no politician has ever invoked faith to move forward a political agenda, added that such a twisted use of religious imagery was not "what the scholars behind the Bible would interpret as proper use, perhaps." (And where's the letter-writing campaign condemning Hasslebeck for suggesting that scholars, not God Himself, were "behind the Bible"?)

Mike Huckabee also got in on the sadrage, taking to Facebook to say that Obama must not have very deep faith if Scripture didn't move him to pass immigration reform legally in 2009 when he had a majority -- Huck apparently doesn't see anything especially Christian about healing the sick, we suppose -- sarcastically noting that "two weeks after the final election he'll have to deal with, suddenly, Scripture requires us to do this." He went on to explain that Barack Obama is basically the worst Christian ever, if he even is one at all:

It's similar to the way that his Biblical beliefs led him to oppose same-sex marriage as a candidate for election. Then when he needed big campaign donations from gay liberals for his reelection, the Bible suddenly got rewritten.

I always thought that Scripture was eternal and unchanging, but apparently, now that Obama is President, Scripture gets rewritten more often than Bill Cosby's Wikipedia entry.

Ooh, zingy timely rapey news reference! Way to go, Brother Huckabee!

And over at Dead Brietbart's Home For Rage Addicts With Keyboards, Ben Shapiro saw right through every single word spoken by "the greatest liar in modern American history" (and as an acolyte of Andrew Breitbart, he'd know, right?). You can pretty much see the spittle flying as Shapiro mocks the idea that ILLEGAL immigrants "love their children" -- what a crock! -- and then, obviously, when Obama invokes Scripture, what he's really doing is setting himself up as a deity:

After a few bedtime stories about wonderful illegal immigrants and their wonderful children just to ram home that point, Obama concluded by quoting Himself:

Scripture tells us that we shall not oppress a stranger, for we know the heart of a stranger – we were strangers once, too. My fellow Americans, we are and always will be a nation of immigrants. We were strangers once, too.

Never mind that Obama despises the Bible, and apparently knows only one verse, which he routinely misconstrues as a call to government seizure of private property. Never mind that this section of the Bible describes converts to Judaism, as well as strangers who accepted the law of the land. Obama stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night – and apparently found a Bible in his hotel bedstand there.

Yes, Obama despises the Bible. Joseph Farah at WND wouldn't lie about that, would he? (Summary/Spoiler: Obama reads Leviticus differently from crazed wingnut Joseph Farah. Therefore he despises the Bible.)

So, to sum up, children: Barack Obama never mentions Jesus or the Creator or quotes the Bible, and that is terrible. Except for when he does quote the Bible, which he obviously doesn't understand and despises. And now all these nice people will go to church and pray for Jesus to rescue America from all these goddamn brown people.

[Media Matters / Mike Huckabee on Facebook / Breitbart / RawStory]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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