Obama Shoots Giant Rainbow Out Of His Hand, Instantly Turns All Jamaicans Gay

President Obama visited Jamaica this week, the first time a president has done that in over 30 years. Upon his departure, he turned around to shoot a beautiful, giant rainbow at the island nation, right out of his hand, proving definitively that he has some special tricks up his gay wizard sleeve! This act was caught on camera by White House photographer Pete Souza, so we guess Obama is okay with his magical powers not being a secret anymore. How will Hillary Clinton top THAT, when she is president?

Of course, this is not the first time Obama has done magic wizardry to people. Remember that time he harnessed the sun with his hands? This is all going to come in very handy when he declares himself emperor for life in January of 2017.

Obama had all kinds of fun on his trip, including a trip to the Bob Marley museum, where he told the guide that he has ALL the Marley records. Ganja music in the White House! Obama said it was one of the best field trips he's ever gone on as president, but he probably only said that because he used to smoke drugs. :(


Also, while in Jamaica, the president did a town hall meeting with students from the University of the West Indies. When he said hi to them, he said Jamaican words at them. They loved it, because they are Jamaican!

Also, Obama had a meeting with a group called CARICOM, which is a group of Caribbean leaders, and he hung out with the prime minister of Jamaica, who said that her nation loves him very much, but those parts sound snoozy and no fun, as opposed to getting to go to the Bob Marley museum.

Then it was all over and Obama went to get on the airplane, and that was when he turned around and zinged Jamaica with gay rainbows. This is great, because we have not (to our knowledge) had a president who could shoot rainbow beams out of his hand! Who should he homosexualize next? How about Phyllis Schlafly??? Tell us who else the president should do Rainbow Sexxx to in the comments, which are not allowed!

[Jezebel/ABC News]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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