Donate

Eric Fanning, the dashing gay Obama wants as Army secretary.


We are all by now very used to Senate Republicans blocking President Obama's nominations for very good reasons because they goddamn hate Obama, and their hatred for him is way more important than, say, having a full Supreme Court. Or fully-staffed lower courts. And so forth.

But a weird thing is happening right now in the Senate: O's nomination of Eric Fanning, a self-proclaimed gay person, as secretary of the Army is on hold, but for the most part, Senate Republicans aren't even going "EW GAY!" In fact, according to the New York Times, he's widely viewed as being highly qualified for his position, even if he does gayness in his spare time! But there is one hitch:

Mr. Fanning has stood out because there are few questions about his qualifications, but he is being held up by just one senator. If confirmed, Mr. Fanning will be the highest-ranking openly gay Pentagon official.

Standing in the way of that happening is Senator Pat Roberts, Republican of Kansas, who has placed a hold on his nomination, insisting that the Obama administration tell him that it will not move any detainees from Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, to Fort Leavenworth, Kan.

Huh, well that's weird! The Times reports that even Sen. John McCain, who is known for being Obama's best friend, thinks Sen. Roberts is being a dick, pointing out on the Senate floor that Fanning wouldn't even be involved in what happens to Gitmo detainees if/when Obama FINALLY FUCKING CLOSES that horrible place.

Now, you might be thinking Roberts is just being a dick and saying it's about not wanting those terrible Gitmo detainees -- many of whom (COUGH COUGH) we shouldn't still be holding in the first place -- back in his state of Kansas, when in reality it's because Roberts doesn't like EW GAYS.

But actually Roberts did the same thing to the last Army Secretary nominee, John McHugh, in 2009. McHugh doesn't do any gay stuff that we are aware of, and at the time, Roberts described him as a friend. Roberts eventually relented, because Obama promised him none of those scary Muslin folk would be transferred to Kansas, but for some reason, Obama won't make that promise this time.

The good senator from Kansas just wants everybody to know that this is absolutely not personal, as he explained back in January:

“I want to stress that it’s nothing personal,” Roberts said. “It’s just the way it is.” [...]

“It’s not his fault,” Roberts said of Fanning, “but it’s the way it is.”

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/600711/ted-cruz-wishes-child-sex-slaves-would-think-of-the-unborn-babies"></a>[/wonkbar]Huh! So this is definitely not like Sen. Ted Cruz (who is running for re-election in 2018, so commence vomiting now) holding up a bill to end child sex slavery because his puny punchable face is all wee-weed up about abortion, a completely unrelated topic.

Maybe the Homogay-Industrial Complex can relax, then, if this one isn't actually about them. (For a Salon-pitch that says it totally is, click here. Because Sen. Roberts is very anti-gay. Ooh ooh! #WonkettePitch to #SalonPitch: MAYBE IT'S BOTH!)

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/594114/mike-huckabees-shriveled-manhood-threatened-by-gay-homosexual-army-secretary"></a>[/wonkbar]What's funny is that certain irrelevant gay-hatin' wingnuts who used to run for president, like a certain Mike Huckabee, were SO HORRIFIED when Obama made Fanning the acting Army secretary. Huckabee screeched his beef lips about "appeasing America's homosexuals" and how "homosexuality is not a job qualification," so Huck is probably pretty fucking happy right now, as he munches on squirrel flakes in whatever backwards Arkansas hidey-hole he lives in, to see that Fanning's nomination is on hold, for completely unrelated reasons. In fact, we bet Huck's pretty sure the real reason is because Jesus said no fags in the Army.

You might be wondering, though, can we still call Sen. Pat Roberts a fucking dick? SURE CAN, YOU BET! Because it's really not just that Roberts doesn't want any scary Muslims (many of whom aren't even charged with anything, or maybe they're like this guy, who was held because the U.S. thought he was pals with this one terrorist dude who wasn't actually a terrorist) stinkin' up his beloved Leavenworth. It's also that Roberts doesn't actually want Guantanamo closed in the first fucking place.

Look, here he is back in February, making a hilarious joke about what he thinks of Obama's plan to close Gitmo:

HAHAHA KNEE SLAPPY LOL.

So yes, while you watch this excellent Gitmo report from Samantha Bee, you may commence calling Pat Roberts a fucking dick.

[New York Times / The Topeka Capitol-Journal]
Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc