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October 24, 2012: The Day Trump Changed Everything (LIVEBLOG)

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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, puppies and kittens: we are a mere twenty minutes away from Donald Trump changing everything by revealing something incredibly stupid and probably racist about Barack Obama.


He will be doing this via Facebook and Twitter, so we, of course, are going to liveblog whatever Donald Trump is releasing in character-limited fashion. This could potentially change the election! Or get Donald Trump another ten minutes of TV time on Fox & Friends tomorrow.

What do you think the surprise is? We will keep you updated with up-to-the-second baseless speculation on when Donald Trump with reserve his place in Hell, which within ten years will have a shoddily built Trump hotel in it.

11:46 AM - Will Donald Trump's big announcement be a tweet that leads to his Facebook page? Will it be a Facebook link to a series of Tweets? NOBODY FUCKING KNOWS.

11:48 AM - Early indications are that Obama may be giving up on several swing states, including Indiana, South Carolina and Arizona, in anticipation of Trump announcement.

11:49 AM - Whatever this is, please don't let it ruin the Choom Gang. I love those wacky kids.

11:51 AM - God's rape candidate Dick Mourdock is holding a press conference right now. He said determining whether God loves rape is "above his pay grade."

11:53 AM - Which third-party candidate are you going to support after Donald Trump destroys Obama's political career? I'm thinking Jill Stein.

11:58 AM - Two minutes. Tell your Obamatard friends you love them.

11:59 AM - Arewethereyet arewethereyet arewethereyet

12:02 PM - The Trump announcement is that...he will give $5 million to a charity of Obama's choice if Obama releases his college transcripts and passport applications. What the fuck, Trump? HOW COULD YOU CHANGE THE GAME SO HARD?

No, seriously, fuck Donald Trump.

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On Monday, someone attempted to murder George Soros by putting a bomb in his mailbox. Also on Monday, someone threw a rock into House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy's office. Also, I spilled some hot coffee on myself. These are all things that happened on Monday, and were by some measure unpleasant. While most people might say, "Yes, all of those things are unpleasant, but they are not equal degrees of unpleasant," most people are not Chuck Schumer.

In what appears to be an attempt to get someone on Fox News to describe him as a "reasonable guy," Schumer sent out a tweet today lamenting the "despicable acts of violence and harassment" being done by "both sides."

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Republicans are KILLIN' IT in Florida, you guys! No worries about election day, Gators. It's all smooooooth sailing for the Sunshine State GOP. Just take it from Governor Rick Scott's lead pollster Wes Anderson, who produced a whimsical, unskewed poll for the campaign, featuring nostalgic jams about high Republican turnout in those good old days, telling the Tampa Bay Times,

As the linked slides indicate, Governor Scott currently leads Senator Nelson 51% to 46%, a lead that is outside of the margin of error.

It should also be noted that this sample from last week is very robust at 2,200 interviews of likely voters, stratified by county to reflect historic mid-term turnout. Our sample shows the Republicans with a one-point turnout advantage, even though we believe we will end up with a two- or three-point advantage. For historical context, in the past two mid-term elections Republicans had a four-point advantage in 2010 and a three-point advantage in 2014. At R+1, that makes our current sample a very conservative take on the likely partisan composition of this year's electorate.

NEEDZ MOAR BILL MURRAY.

No other pollster has replicated those numbers, with SurveyUSA, Quinnipiac, and CNN/SSRS all finding Bill Nelson in the lead, but if OnMessage, Inc. says Scott is running way ahead, then it must be true! Only OnMessage promises to "take your principles, your experience, and your opponent's weaknesses to develop a winning message plan that the voters will embrace." And who wouldn't trust a push pollster, right?

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