Monday morning, (acting) Navy Secretary Thomas Modly flew all the way to Guam so he could tell the sailors aboard the USS Theodore Roosevelt aircraft carrier that their beloved recently fired captain Brett Crozier was stupid and they probably shouldn't love him anymore. This came after Modly fired Crozier for writing a letter that got to the press, about how the Trump administration was letting a novel coronavirus outbreak spread far and wide on the carrier, and doing approximately jackshit to help.

In the quickly leaked recordings of Modly's very stupid and ill-advised speech — that he flew all those miles to give! in the middle of a pandemic! — you can hear sailors say "WHAT THE FUCK?" and various other swear words about the pissant Trump-licking garbage baby who was speaking to them just then.

In short, it was just another failed day in the most failed presidential administration in United States history.

Later Monday afternoon, after the speech leaked, after veterans far and wide started expressing how disgusted they were by Modly's hot turd of a speech, Modly made sure everybody knew he meant what he said:

"The spoken words were from the heart, and meant for them. I stand by every word I said, even, regrettably any profanity that may have been used for emphasis," Modly said in a statement. "Anyone who has served on a Navy ship would understand. I ask, but don't expect, that people read them in their entirety."

Yeah we did read it. And we agree with the sailors of the Roosevelt, whose audible cussing suggests they think Modly is a giant asshole, and no, the cusses weren't the problem.

But last night, we guess it was getting a little bit too hot in the kitchen, because the Navy released a new statement from Modly, in which Modly was very sorry. Surprise, he still managed to be a completely backhanded shitbaby about it.


"Let me be clear, I do not think Captain Brett Crozier is naïve nor stupid," wrote acting Secretary of the Navy Thomas Modly in a statement. "I believe, precisely because he is not naive and stupid, that he sent his alarming email with the intention of getting it into the public domain in an effort to draw public attention to the situation on his ship."

In Modly's original speech, he presented an either/or. Either Crozier is very stupid, or he did this intentionally in order that it might get leaked to the press, that he may ruin the whole Navy by going outside the chain of command in this way. Modly, because he's a motherfucker, didn't offer the third, correct option, which was that the only reason Crozier did this was because it was literally the only way to get their attention and he was trying to protect the lives of the 4,000 sailors in his keep.

So Modly is saying fine, Crozier is not stupid, he is just VERY BAD.

"I also want to apologize directly to Captain Crozier, his family, and the entire crew of the Theodore Roosevelt for any pain my remarks may have caused," he added.

Oh go fuck yourself.

Everybody who's anybody (that has integrity) is calling for Modly's ass. For instance, there is Democratic Rep. Elaine Luria of Virginia, who is retired from Navy:

"TR Sailors are on the frontlines of this pandemic and of our nation's defense in the Pacific," Luria said in a statement. "Acting Secretary of the Navy Thomas Modly's remarks to the crew show that he is in no way fit to lead our Navy through this trying time. Esper should immediately fire him."

Politico notes that among members of Congress completely agreeing with Luria, there are Senators Tim Kaine and Richard Blumenthal, and also Reps. Filemón Vela, Ted Lieu (Air Force), Gil Cisneros (Navy), Justin Amash, and Jason Crow (Army Ranger).

And then there's Democratic Rep. Adam Smith, chair of the House Armed Services Committee:

"Acting Secretary Modly's decision to address the sailors on the Roosevelt and personally attack Captain Crozier shows a tone-deaf approach more focused on personal ego than one of the calm, steady leadership we so desperately need in this crisis," Smith said in a statement. "I no longer have confidence in Acting Secretary Modly's leadership of the Navy and believe he should be removed from his position."

After Modly's speech leaked yesterday, Donald Trump said he was going to "get involved" in the aftermath of the decision to fire Crozier, because this situation was just screaming for President Fuckup to fuck it up some more.

"I'm going to get involved and see exactly what's going on there," Trump told reporters. "Because I don't want to destroy somebody for having a bad day." [...]

Trump said he had heard good things about both Crozier and Modly. "You have two good people and they're arguing, and believe it or not I'm good at settling arguments."

So maybe Trump will end up firing the (acting) Navy Secretary, after he fired the actual confirmed Navy Secretary Richard Spencer for refusing to obey an illegal order?

That would be the correct result, but good Lord, the fact that we are even talking about this ...

This is the worst, stupidest, most failed presidential administration in history. God help us.

[CNBC / Politico / ibid.]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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