Oh God, Geraldo Just Wargasmed All Over Our TV Screen
And the enemy positions are over here where this stick is...
Everybody had a group wargasm on the "Fox & Friends" couch this morning while they showed off America's most beautiful bomb ever, the Mother of All Bombs, AKA the super-patriotic, America-loving $16 million GBU-43 Massive Ordnance Air Blast weapon. The "journalists" sat there and filled their respective undergarments with reproductive fluids while a black and white tape of Defense Department video rolled, while one of Toby Keith's interchangeable patriotic anthems played in the background of the lovely explosion. When the camera shifted back to the studio, Geraldo Rivera joined in the love-fest for the bomb, too!
Brian Kilmeade: And that's what happens when a 21,000-pound bomb explodes in the Afghanistan-Pakistan region, where at least 36 ISIS fighters have lost their life.
Ainsley Earhardt: Geraldo, that video's black and white.
Geraldo Rivera: Good morning.
Earhardt: But that is what freedom looks like. That's the red, white and blue.
Rivera: Well one of my favorite things in the 16 years I've been here at Fox News is watching bombs drop on bad guys. And I have some experience in that exact part of Afghanistan going back to December 2001, the first of my 11 assignments in that country, where we dropped what was the forerunner, maybe you call it the father of the "mother of all bombs," the Daisy Cutter, Daisy Cutter 15,000 pounds of explosive. This is 22,000 pounds of explosive. Like then, now, we've had a successful hit. Almost two dozen, or more actually, three dozen bad guys killed. It's not going to win the war, but it certainly sends a message.
No report of civilian casualties yet, although since the GBU-43's blast wave is deadly to about a mile out from its target, it seems likely there will be some. No big, since they were only Afhgans, and they all hate us anyway even though some of them are our allies and we're dropping 11 tons of freedom on them at a time now. If they died, they were bad guys, QED.
Big Boom! Big Boom! Big Boom for the Red, White, and Blue! America is BACK, baby! If only we'd had Fox News around during Vietnam, they could have shown victims of napalm attacks and made witty comments about how efficiently the enemy children's bodies had been burned down to the bone.
An excited weapons aficionado, Bill Roggio of the Foundation for Defense of Democracies, explained what makes the GBU-43 such a terrific device: Not only does it create tunnel-collapsing earthquakes, it also does cool physics stuff!
“What it does is basically suck out all of the oxygen and lights the air on fire,” Roggio said. “It’s a way to get into areas where conventional bombs can’t reach.”
OK, then. We can see why Geraldo would like the thing. It only stands to reason he'd be in awe of a device that's even more proficient than he is when it comes to sucking all the air out of a room.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.