Oh No, Donald Trump Hates Ivanka's Husband Again
Oh good, it's time for another episode of "Trump is sore displeased with Jared, Crown Prince Of Failing Upward, and this time things are really gonna change!"
The last time we wrote this article was June 23, after Jared Kushner and Brad Parscale fucked up Trump's fail rally in Tulsa. Before that we wrote it June 9. Before that we wrote it in March and maybe also sometime in between that we forget. The only day we're sure didn't write it was February 27, which we're only bringing up because that day Donald Trump should have been reading about Vladimir Putin paying $100,000 per American head to Taliban fighters, but instead he was doing trustfalls with Diamond and Silk. (God, what a dick we are for bringing that up in every post now!)
Anyway, fuck it, let's write it again. Axios, tell us the scoop you never got before, because it's BRAND NEW:
President Trump has told people in recent days that he regrets following some of son-in-law and senior adviser Jared Kushner's political advice — including supporting criminal justice reform — and will stick closer to his own instincts, three people with direct knowledge of the president's thinking tell Axios.
One person who spoke with the president interpreted his thinking this way: "No more of Jared's woke s***." Another said Trump has indicated that following Kushner's advice has harmed him politically.
Hahahahahahaha, yes, the problem is WOKE JARED. Fucking WOKE JARED, fucking everything up. Must Jared be such a WOKE JARED all the time?
Axios goes on to report that this may be the death knell for the extremely effective police reform Trump was making vague hand gestures toward doing. That would definitely have an effect on things out here in the real world.
Axios adds "Yes, but," because there's always a chance Trump really loves Jared, and this is just Trump's wingnut racist gargoyle allies whispering in Axios's ear. After all, according to "senior White House official":
"Numerous anonymous sources have attempted to provide separation between Jared and the president. They have failed for the last three and a half years. They are not going to be successful today either."
ON THE OTHER HAND ALSO TOO THOUGH, Axios adds that maybe it's for real this time, because Tucker Carlson is being mean to Jared on TV, because Tucker is a white supremacist who's got a real bug up his ass these days (and the previous days) about The Blacks. Trump just really loves Tucker Carlson and maybe wishes Vanky had married him instead of WOKE JARED.
Anyway, point is Trump wants to trust his instincts, because while Jared may be very smart, Trump thinks he is personally the smartest. He thinks more police reform isn't going to win him any more love from Black folks, which is probably correct, and also this, which is false:
"He truly believes there is a silent majority out there that's going to come out in droves in November," said a source who's talked to the president in recent days.
All of this amuses us to no end. On the one hand, Trump is not wrong, if he's really truly mad at Jared. Jared is very bad at all things, and Jared is always coming up with these hilarious ideas about things that will "appeal to Democrats," because Jared is dumber than a three-dollar sack of bricks.
At the same time, though, the only thing worse than Jared steering the ship? DONALD TRUMP STEERING THE SHIP.
And what Trump and his numbnuts son-in-law will never fully internalize, we don't think, is just how much a majority of the American public despises, loathes, and would not piss on Trump if he was on fire.
So whatever. Trump hates Jared, he hates him not, he's going to listen to that still small voice in his black heart that says "Jared sux," or he'll listen to the lying trickster demon who lives inside his own butt and tells him he's a very stable genius.
We. Don't. Care.
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