Oh, No, Please Don't Make Us Run Against The Senate's Dumbest Republican Again!

2022 midterms
Oh, No, Please Don't Make Us Run Against The Senate's Dumbest Republican Again!

Incumbency has its privileges, and one of them is that you pretty much always get re-elected. That's particularly true in the House, where representatives get to choose their own voters thanks to gerrymandering. But it's also true on the other side of the Capitol, where sitting senators have upwards of an 80 percent shot at hanging onto their seats.

Here, have a fun graphic courtesy of the Center for Responsive Politics.

Center for Responsive Politics

Democrats are delighted to see the back of Senators Pat Toomey, Richard Burr, Rob Portman, and Roy Blunt, because it improves our odds of picking up seats in Pennsylvania, North Carolina, Ohio, and Missouri. But for every rule, there's an exception, and Ron Johnson is truly exceptional.

He's like that exceptional kind of gonorrhea that doesn't respond to antibiotics — only we'd actually like him to stick around leaking discharge for just a little while longer, at least according to Politico.

Okay, Politico didn't put it exactly like that. It was more like Democrats think that the constant stream of dumbfuckery makes him vulnerable and hope to "make a point that Johnson's confrontational style is no longer a fit in his perennial swing state."

"My hope is that Ron Johnson runs and loses so spectacularly that Republicans rethink the extreme, fear-mongering, conspiracy-minded style of politics that has so scarred the country for the last four years," Ben Wikler, chair of the Wisconsin Democratic Party, told Politico. And since Ben Wikler is to Wisconsin as Stacey Abrams is to Georgia, we're inclined to take his word for it.

"I would love to run against Ron Johnson," said Tom Nelson, a potential Democratic challenger. "I want to make a statement that in Wisconsin, his behavior is unacceptable — and this is what we're going to do about it."

Since November, Johnson has relentlessly pushed the Big Lie that the election was stolen from Trump by invisible fraudsters and evil gremlins lurking inside voting machines. Before that he was flogging literal Russian propaganda about President Joe Biden and his family, courtesy of Rudy Giuliani and his trusty cohort of Ukrainian proxies — some of whom are now on the US sanctions list. (And he's back at it now.) Last summer it was hydroxychloroquine as a miracle cure for COVID.

If there's a facially ridiculous conspiracy theory, RonJohn is all over it. Just a couple weeks ago, he said that he never felt scared during the Capitol Riot because "I knew those were people that love this country, that truly respect law enforcement, would never do anything to break the law, and so I wasn't concerned," but that he'd have been really worried if it were those violent hoodlums from Antifa and Black Lives Matter.

And while the Blue Team hates his guts, he's not that popular with his own Red pals either. Apparently Senator Dumbshit leaves Mitch McConnell, uh, "frigid."

Officially, Senate Republicans want him to run again. But Johnson has a frigid relationship with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, after national Republicans aligned with McConnell bailed on Johnson during the closing months of his first reelection campaign in 2016. McConnell is eager for Johnson to make a decision soon, according to people familiar with the matter.

We'd have gone with "frosty," but no matter. The point is, Mitch needs him to fish or cut bait so the GOP can coalesce around a candidate, and Ron is in no hurry to alleviate the party's concerns.

"I've got a long time to decide," he told Politico, apparently unconcerned that the primary is barely more than a year away and he's only sitting on $560,000 in his campaign account. Does he give a shit that his retirement would set off an absolute food fight as Wisconsin Gippers scramble to knock each other down and hoover up cash? LOL, nope.

On the other hand, that idiot did clean Russ Feingold's clock — twice, so let's not count our chickens just yet.

But if the GOP wants to put that nutbag up for another go in the general, we aren't going to be mad about it. Incumbency and Wisconsin nice didn't protect Scott Walker, and if anybody can get it done for the Dems, it's Ben Wikler.


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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