Fox News judge Andrew Napolitano is kind of a batshit crazy person who occasionally startles you by being incredibly correct about something. But it's happening with a frequency nowadays that we're wondering if he's actually been sending his Stopped Clock Right Twice A Day off for repairs at a certified clock shop, perhaps so much that he might be right ... like four times a day!

What. Is. Happening.

Napolitano published an op-ed -- Napolitano the Fox News judge -- yes the one with the hair -- and he published it ON THE FOX NEWS WEBSITE -- that asks:

This being Fox News, one wouldn't be surprised if the body of the piece consisted of a single word ("Nope") followed by a .gif portraying Hillary Clinton raping puppies in Benghazi with her emails.

That is not the body of the Fox News op-ed we are linking to. And no, it was not published on April 1.

Not only is Napolitano arguing that Trump committed obstruction of justice, he calls Trump's behavior "criminal" and "immoral" and OH MY GOD, DID HILLARY CLINTON AND ADAM SCHIFF KIDNAP ANDREW NAPOLITANO AND PLACE HIM IN THE BASEMENT OF A PIZZERIA AND ARE NOW PUBLISHING OP-EDS UNDER HIS NAME? Blink twice if you need our assistance, Judge!

No, he's fine. Because it comes with an accompanying video where he also explains his case, OH MY GOD, DID HILLARY CLINTON AND ADAM SCHIFF KIDNAP ANDREW NAPOLITANO AND FORCE HIM TO MAKE AN ISIS VIDEO IN THE BASEMENT OF A PIZZERIA ABOUT HOW TRUMP IS GUILTY? Blink twice if you ...

No, seriously. This is brutal. And it also basically calls Attorney General Bill Barr the dumb fuck he really is.

Napolitano begins by explaining that Mueller started looking at Trump for obstruction when James Comey told him about Trump's efforts to get him to kill the FBI's investigation into Michael Flynn. Here, he lobs his first missile: "We now know why Trump was so anxious for the FBI to leave Flynn alone." He says maybe if Trump had told the truth way back then about why Flynn was talking sanctions with the Russian ambassador, Michael Flynn might not have thought to lie to the FBI.

But that's just the beginning. Napolitano then correctly notes that, though Mueller couldn't find a prosecutable conspiracy between Trump, his campaign and the Russians, he did find "127 confirmed communications" between Trump people and Russians. And he correctly states that Mueller chose not to decide the question of obstruction, but intended for Congress (read: NOT BILL BARR) to take that up.

Yeah, and SPEAKING OF BILL BARR. After pissing on Trump's claims of "total exoneration," Napolitano decides to give precious and brand new Bill Barr a lesson on Obstruction, How The Fuck Does IT Work? Long block quote because THIS IS FROM FOX NEWS, YOU GUYS:

The Constitution prescribes treason, bribery or other high crimes and misdemeanors as the sole bases for impeachment. We know that obstruction of justice constitutes an impeachable offense under the "high crimes and misdemeanors" rubric because both presidents in the modern era who were subject to impeachment proceedings -- Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton -- were charged with obstructing justice.

Obstruction is a rare crime that is rarely completed. Stated differently, the obstructer need not succeed in order to be charged with obstruction. That's because the statute itself prohibits attempting to impede or interfere with any government proceeding for a corrupt or self-serving purpose.

Thus, if my neighbor tackles me on my way into a courthouse in order to impede a jury from hearing my testimony, and, though delayed, I still make it to the courthouse and testify, then the neighbor is guilty of obstruction because he attempted to impede the work of the jury that was waiting to hear me.

Mueller laid out at least a half-dozen crimes of obstruction committed by Trump -- from asking former Deputy National Security Adviser K.T. McFarland to write an untruthful letter about the reason for Flynn's chat with Kislyak, to asking Corey Lewandowski and then-former White House Counsel Don McGahn to fire Mueller and McGahn to lie about it, to firing Comey to impede the FBI's investigations, to dangling a pardon in front of Michael Cohen to stay silent, to ordering his aides to hide and delete records.

If you watch Napolitano's video, he names ALL THESE CRIMES in rapid fire, and just keeps saying, "That's obstruction." And "That's obstruction." And "That's obstruction." There's no equivocation. It's just fuck you, Trump, GO TO JAIL.

As Napolitano nears a close, he notes that Mueller couldn't charge obstruction because Mueller already knew Bill Barr has this idiot theory of obstruction that's shared by literally nobody in the legal world and would thus just block it anyway. In calling Barr "wrong," he cites NEAL KATYAL, Barack Obama's former acting solicitor general whom you see on the antifa MSNBC network all the time calling Trump a criminal.

He concludes:

The president's job is to enforce federal law. If he had ordered its violation to save innocent life or preserve human freedom, he would have a moral defense. But ordering obstruction to save himself from the consequences of his own behavior is unlawful, defenseless and condemnable.

That's gonna leave a mark. (In the video, he also calls Trump's actions "immoral" and "criminal.")

It's especially going to leave a mark in the Fox News studios, where we hear things are already KINDA SHAKY these days, as the actual smart people who work at the network are kind of tired of Fox serving as 24/7 Blowjob Hour for its primary viewer, Donald Trump. (Speaking of, y'all see Hannity's Trump interview last night? Oh boy!)

In conclusion and in summary, Judge Napolitano is absolutely correct and we're proud of him (aw, look at our boy!) for saying so out loud.

Also former Attorney General Jeff Sessions told all the lib-stinkers at Amherst University that the Mueller probe was done "vigorously and with integrity," but he might just be saying that because it cleared him on obstruction charges, and he doesn't really care anymore what it says about that mean fucking weasel what used to bully him so.

The point is that everybody hates Donald Trump now, even Fox News. Pass it on!

[Fox News]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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