Oh, To Be A Fly On The Wall At Trump's Internet Troll Pity 'N' Paranoia Party Today!
Donald Trump is all set today to host a "summit" on social media with all of his bestest troll friends from the internet,
for "a robust conversation on the opportunities and challenges of today's online environment" to sit around and whine about the ways Twitter and Facebook are out to get them and conservatives like them.
The guest list includes such luminaries as professional douchebag James O'Keefe, Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL), Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN), a guy who makes memes and calls himself CarpeDonktum, YouTuber Tim Pool (who claims to be a liberal who just happens to think the Right is pretty much right about everything and yells about "SJWs" a whole lot), Ali Akbar (a convicted felon who recently claimed that Kamala Harris was not actually a black person), alt-liter Will Chamberlain (who notably promoted a hoax picture in which protesters at a Mike Cernovich event were smeared as pedophiles), Students for Trump co-founder Ryan Fournier, and QAnon idiot Bill Mitchell.
Conservative organizations like the Heritage Foundation, the Media Research Center, and Prager U have also RSVP'd, along with Turning Point USA, which will be represented by diaper fetishist Charlie Kirk and Benny Johnson, America's second favorite plagiarist after Meghan McCain's husband, Ben Domenech.
In other words, "the best people."
Alas, it seems that Diamond and Silk's invitation got lost in the mail. Could there be trouble in paradise?
Rightwing cartoonist Ben Garrison, world famous for his anti-Semitic doodles, was initially invited to the summit as well, but was ousted once the White House decided that this might be too bad of a look, even for them. Which sure is saying a lot, given the rest of the guest list.
Also not invited? Laura Loomer! And boy was she ever pissed! Don't they know who she is? So pissed that she wrote multiple poems about it on Telegram, the only social media site that will have her.
Another person who hasn't been banned who was invited to the social media summit.
Meanwhile, I'm sitting over here like "hellloooo I'm literally the most banned woman in the world" and not to mention, I worked at Project Veritas and was undercover in the Hillary campaign.
My videos helped get Trump elected.
It's not like the White House doesn't know who I am. I regularly communicate with Trumps advisors and his staffers.
At this point I doubt I'm going because I haven't received an invite and tomorrow is the 10th and the summit is the 11th.
Can't even make last min travel plans... let's be honest.
Any social media summit dealing with social media bias isn't legitimate if I'm not invited, if Alex Jones isn't invited. If MILO and Gavin aren't invited.
It's the truth. And I don't care about what anyone who is attending has to say about my statement.
To all of the attendees: don't pretend like you're more banned than I am, because you're not. Don't pretend like your life is hard because you have been shadow banned.
Try being totally deplatformed.
I know my comments have hurt some people's feelings, but I'm not going to be quiet about it.
None of the people who were invited are qualified to tell me about censorship. I'm more banned than all of them combined. That is the truth.
According to The Daily Beast... this was not simply an oversight.
"What benefit would it be to anyone if Laura Loomer were in the same room with the president?" a senior Trump administration official familiar with the planning told The Daily Beast. "Why on earth would we do that? We aren't that stupid. Come on."
Loomer is currently suing Facebook for "an amount to exceed $3 billion U.S. dollars" for having kicked her off. She is being represented in this suit by Superlawyer Larry Klayman — and, honestly, we would not have it any other way.
Naturally, the big topic of discussion at the Algonquin Kid's Table is going to be the supposed anti-conservative bias of social media companies like Twitter and Facebook. Alas, there will be no representatives from either Twitter or Facebook there, so it will mostly be a group therapy situation in which they go around in a circle and talk about how they have each been personally affected by, uh, the terms of service that everyone else also has to abide by.
Of course, Trump already met with Twitter's Jack Dorsey in April, in order to complain that he did not have enough followers on Twitter.
There is, of course, an extremely easy solution to all of this — Trump and his troll pals could always just boycott both Facebook and Twitter and either sign up for Gab or Telegram, or get someone to start a whole new site just for them. Why do they need us to be there? Are we so charming and attractive that they simply cannot tear themselves away? Must be!
We will update you on the atrocities.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse