Ohio Mayor Concerned Ice Fishing Too Sexy For His Suburb

Ohio Mayor Concerned Ice Fishing Too Sexy For His Suburb

The town of Hudson, Ohio, just outside of Akron, is currently considering making ice fishing a thing — a common enough activity in many northern states. Several people have applied for permits recently, possibly due to the fact that it is a really, really cold and snowy pandemic winter and people are so bored out of their minds that ice fishing has started to look good.

Of course, safety must come first. Craig Shubert, the mayor of Hudson, brought up some concerns about people falling into the ice and the fire department and EMTs being overburdened by ice fishing accidents. That's reasonable enough, although there are apparently only about four to five ice fishing deaths a year.

He also had some different "data points to consider" and that is ice fishing could lead to people wanting ice shanties, and that renting out ice shanties could lead to prostitution, due to the fact that people can rent them out for short periods of time. And also, of course, because there are few things sexier than banging outside in the blistery tundra in a shack potentially filled with dead fish?


"If you open this up to ice fishing, while on the surface it sounds good, then what happens next year? Does someone come back and say ‘I want an ice shanty on Hudson Springs Park, for X amount of time?’" Shubert wondered aloud. "And then if you then allow ice fishing with shanties, then that leads to another problem: prostitution. And now you’ve got the police chief and the police department involved. Just data points to consider."

Those are certainly some ... data points. It is also worth considering that there are likely many places in Hudson, Ohio, where one might engage the services of a sex worker that might be more appealing to both parties than a freezing cold ice fishing shack out on a pond in the middle of winter. Homes, cars, motels, and hell, if one were going to go that route, tents, all might be a better plan than a shack intended for ice fishing.

Looking up some "data points" myself, I discovered that there is literally only one ice fishing sex video on all of PornHub, which means it almost disproves Rule 34 of the Internet. It is that unpopular a thing to do or want to do.

This is not the first time Mayor Shubert has been confused about sex. Last fall, he claimed that a book that had been used for the last five years in college-level creative writing classes at the local high school was "child porn." The book, 642 Things To Write About, included several writing prompts he considered inappropriate, such as "Write a sex scene you wouldn't show your mom," followed by "rewrite the sex scene from above into one that you'd let your mom read." These prompts were never actually assigned in classes, they just happened to exist in the book. Which contained 640 other writing prompts.

Shubert insisted not just that the book be pulled from the curriculum, but that the entire school board resign or else be charged — ostensibly on charges of child pornography.

Clearly, Mayor Shubert is just as clear on what child pornography is as he is about the effects of freezing temperatures on certain parts of the male body.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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