Oklahoma Preacher Accidentally Flooded Four States When He Cast Out All Those Demons
Pastor John Benefiel of Oklahoma City's "Church on the Rock" revealed, in awebcast with Mike and Cindy Jacobs, that he and another pastor, Chuck Pierce, prayed so hard and cast out so many demons in 2007 that they completely broke the demon Baal's hold over Oklahoma, Texas, Kansas, and Missouri, and as a sign of their success, the four states experienced record flooding. See, in 2006, Pierce had prophesized that the Holy Spirit would make the rivers rise, even though the region was in the midst of a drought. And then in 2007, Benefiel declared a "Baal divorce decree" that freed the area from the demon's control!
“There was no rain in sight, no rain forecast at all,” he said. “But literally the day after we first used this Baal divorce decree in 2007 -- we declared it in a meeting together -- the rains came. And we ended up having more rain between February and June of 2007 than any other 12 month period in history.”
By golly, if that isn't proof of a miracle, then Yr Doktor Zoom will eat this here turkey sandwich he just made, and will wash it down with a Coke Zero, tell you what.
After that huge success, Benefiel and Pierce repeated the ceremony in Texas, Kansas, and Missouri, because apparently a Baal divorce is contingent on the local jurisdiction.
“And at one point and every lake of Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri were at or above flood stage,” the pastor noted. “And that’s what Chuck [Pierce] had prophesized, that when you see this happen, those are areas targeted for a Holy Spirit invasion.”
Not only did the Lord God reward the area with rainfall, which never happens unless a holy man does a rain dance, God also smiled on Oklahoma and almost completely shielded it from the 2008 recession, a miracle that had nothing to do with the state's oil wealth, nor its Indian gaming, you damned heathens. The heathens and mockers at Raw Story do note that in addition to all that proof of the power of prayer, the 2007 floods killed at least 22 people and left thousands homeless, but that is just one of those "mysterious ways" things, so shut up.
The news of this amazing and only slightly deadly miracle was received warmly by the Jacobses; Cindy Jacobs, you may recall, has her own history of divine intervention, since back in the early 1980s her son's tummyache alerted her to the need to pray for Ronald Reagan, which totally saved him from an assassination attempt.
It is not yet clear whether authorities have located this "God" character to interrogate him about any possible role he may have played in this weekend's deadly mudslide and flooding in Washington.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.