Oklahoma Runs Out of Varmints and People to Shoot, Turns to Flying Robots
The good congresscritters of Oklahoma are up to some legislatin', folks. A bill has advanced to their senate floor that will make it legal to shoot drones out of the sky. That SPROING you heard is the sound of Rand Paul's spontaneous freedom boner.
The bill provides civil immunity for damage done to a drone that is flying on personal property, though it doesn't seem to address how far up one's "personal property" extends -- it's hard to stand your ground when you're in the air. Ostensibly the bill is meant to prevent lawsuits against citizens who are just defending their homes from the coming robot invasion, but as even the bill's own sponsor admits: "Shortey says he's received reports of people shooting down drones, but acknowledged he's unaware of anyone being sued for doing so."
Wonderful. A bill to address a made-up problem that can only be solved by discharging weapons into the air. The good people of America in general and Oklahoma in particular are well known for their restraint when it comes to discharging their metal buddies even without civil immunity, so in celebration of Oklahoma gun humpers' oncoming freedom explosion, let's have a quick recap of all the ways responsible gun owners have made the Sooner State so much safer:
- A Sentinel-area survivalist shot the town's black chief of police four times and was then released without charges a few hours later. We're not saying it was fishy, but it probably didn't hurt that the mayor knew the shooter by first name. Allegedly.
- An Owasso gentleman went to investigate a possible break-in at his home, and innocently ended up half-naked on his neighbor's front steps with nothing but his underpants and a gun. Naturally said neighbor shot him with a 12-gauge because we're pretty sure that is the cold opening to the next Hostel movie.
- A sheriff's deputy defended his personage from a vicious attack by two small children by shooting their dog to death. Said dog was, according to eye witnesses, sniffing the cop's leg, but sometimes you need to used deadly force to put a stop to that. Bonus points for pointing the gun at the two children's heads before he did it. Neat!
- Homeowner Gene Kelley was treated to a special gift when the 14-inch shell from a 105mm Howitzer smashed through the wall of his bedroom. The shell was meant for a target range at a gun show some three miles away, but sometimes these things just happen at a gun show full of self-proclaimed safety professionals. What do you want from them? They wore safety goggles and everything!
- A state legislator who tried to turn the Second Amendment into a state holiday demonstrated his congressional bona fides by shooting a guy in the face. A few hundred miles away, Dick Cheney felt a sudden surge of warmth through his body knowing The Contract had been completed.
With such a stellar record of responsible gun ownership, we're sure nothing will go wrong with this new "shoot up in the sky, hope it hits something" bill. The sponsor, State Senator Ralph Shortey, has attempted to allay concerns by reassuring reporters that it wouldn't change laws about discharging guns in city limits, which really doesn't correct the obvious problems of this bill, such as all of it.
Regardless, Senator Shortey's tepid non sequitur reassurances should do well to assuage our fears. We'd rest easier at night, if only our pillow weren't made out of AR-15s. Happy shootin', folks!