Olympic Fake-Crying Champeen Paula Deen Goes On Today, Cries And Cries, Is Very Sorry For Her
Your Wonket is in the stupid position of trying to feel good about the fact that it did not break the "Paula Deen is a big fat butter-veined racist" story last week, even though we were in possession of it. Oh, what a marvelous big fake silver-wigged scalp that would have been! (For you connoisseurs of the different types of brag, please help us to identify the above!) For one thing, the amount of ellipses that RadarOnline had to insert into her deposition to get what appeared to be a straight-forward admission of SUPER DUPER RACISM Y'ALL could have made Ghost Andrew Breitbart choke on his fat corpsey tongue. (The following, for instance, was originally like five separate questions and answers: “I mean, it was really impressive. That restaurant represented a certain era in America…after the Civil War, during the Civil War, before the Civil War…It was not only black men, it was black women…I would say they were slaves.”) For the other, "old white Southern woman misses the antebellum South" is news on par with "Ghost Andrew Breitbart still dead." What mattered about the lawsuit, we told us, was not "Paula Deen thinks Gone With The Wind was awesome," but that she was a SUPER BAD DISCRIMINATOR against black people WHO WORKED FOR HER, and the supervisor who tried to stand up for them. SO LET US REMIND YOU ABOUT THAT NOW, SOME MORE.
Below we are copy-and-pasting our original story (which we did break, because WE BELIEVED IT HAD SOME BEARING) on the lawsuit that led to Paula Deen's pathetically fake-ass breakdown on Today -- perhaps the greatest pathetically fake-ass breakdown in history except for this thing.
And now we give you our story.
It seems — it is possible — that diabeetus queen Paul Deen is perhaps and maybe not the nice lady she pretends to be on her television program, “Cooking Hot Garbage With Paula Deen.” Lisa Jackson is a woman who worked as a restaurant manager for Deen for so many years, turning around a failing business in such an accomplished manner that Deen’s brother Bubba (because of course) fondly called her his “little Jew girl” (for being so awesome at money). She was danged good at her job, is what we are saying! But Jackson finally had enough with the getting manhandled by Bubba, who was always morning-drunk-on-bourbon-from-a-Styrofoam-cup and having him show her so much porn constantly and always getting told by him about how she should give blowjobs, and getting paid a fraction of what male managers a rank below her were getting paid for far less work and responsibility, and trying without success to shield her black employees from constantly getting called “niggers” and “monkeys” and being told they couldn’t use the front door or the white bathroom or work in the front of the restaurant and SO MUCH MORE, and she complained FOR YEARS about all of it and nobody cared, and she finally quit and filed a lawsuit. All props to Lilly Ledbetter, but the Lilly Ledbetter Act that mandates equal pay for women should have probably been called the Paula Deen Act, if you could find a way to fit all her horrible racism into it too.
That was fun, right? There are like nine more examples of those, but we couldn’t fit them all in one screenshot.
As for the sexism — in addition to the porn and the sexual harrassment — Jackson got paid less than male managers below her general manager rank, plus they got vacation, bonuses, and retirement, which Jackson didn’t get because duh lady. When she asked for proper compensation, she was told Bubba would never countenance a skirt gettin’ paid like the big boys. And Paula Deen knew about all of it, and Bubba’s her brother, and her gross sons and sons’ friends worked there too and pulled the same shit, like with the calling of the African-American employees “monkeys” and other such hallmarks of a racially transcendent workplace that could in no way be sued for a hostile work environment or basic civil rights violations. Go ahead and read the lawsuit. It’s a corker! Paula Deen for president and stuff.