OMG SEAN SPICER STOP TRYING TO MAKE 'WIRE TAPPS' A THING. THEY WILL NEVER BE A THING.
Today's House Intelligence Committee hearing with FBI Director James Comey and NSA Director Admiral Mike Rogers ended in the middle of the afternoon, but it was early in the morning when Comey, straight up, said Donald Trump's thing about Obama doing "wire tapps" to him was unmitigated horse jizz. So now Comey, a whole fuckton of Republicans, all Democrats, and all the rest of the sane people in the world, have confirmed that Trump is full of shit. Therefore, when it was time for Sean Spicer's daily press briefing, he was FINALLY like "OK, the president and I have had a talk, and he is too embarrassed for words right now, on account of he is a weak sad liar who is scared of stairs, but we admit we were not telling the truth, and we'll never talk about this again."
PSYCH! That is not what happened. CBS White House correspondent Margaret Brennan asked Spicer, with legitimate concern in her eyes, "When does this end?" (She was referring to Trump's lying about the "wire tapps.") And this is what she got in response:
— Steve Kopack (@SteveKopack) March 20, 2017
It's not a question of a date, it's a question of where we get answers.
YOU HAVE ANSWERS, STUPIDASS.
You look at someone like Michael Flynn, and you ask the question, how does an American citizen who should be protected by law from having their identity unmasked, how does that happen? Because you've gotta think about it just like this. The FBI and all the relevant intelligence agencies have access to this document, they can figure out who it was.
Margaret Brennan was like "wuuuuuuuut?" She specifically wanted to know what Spicer meant by "who it was," reminding him that we are talking about Trump's lie about getting a "wire tapp" done on his fanny, not this "waaaaaaah Michael Flynn!" pivot Trump and his dickhole minions in Congress are trying out. Spicer continued:
What I'm getting at is that there is a lot of information that we have come to learn about what happened in terms of surveillance throughout the 2016 election and the transition. And when you look at somebody like Michael Flynn ...
AND we're back to bitching about Michael Flynn, the foreign agent who was taking money from the Russians and the Turks, who was just treated SO UNFAIRLY. Hey, remember how Comey confirmed there is an FBI investigation into the Trump campaign's collusion with Russia? We're just spitballing, but it's possible Flynn is a target of that.
Brennan again tried to clarify, by asking if Trump has evidence of some kind of illegal surveillance, and Spicer replied, "No, no, I am saying," and continued to spew bullshit about how it's unfair how Michael Flynn got "unmasked," ignoring how said "unmasking" revealed to the public that Flynn is GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY. (Yeah, we bet Trump Land is pretty tired of getting "unmasked" at this point.) And it also revealed to the public that Trump wasn't going to fire the dude who was taking money from Turkey AND RUSSIA until he had no other choice, because shit got leaked. Spicer concluded that today's hearing was just the "first chapter" in getting to the bottom of this "wire tapp" business, which is real funny considering how, again, that issue was wholly resolved in the first 30 minutes of the hearing. Wonkette predicts that Flynn's "unmasking" is but the first chapter of the story of the downfall of the Trump regime, and that half these fuckers will end up in prison. JUST SAYING.
But why are we so concerned with Flynn in the first place? And for that matter, why are folks talking about Paul Manafort and his weird-bad connections with Ukraine and Russia? That is what Sean Spicer wants to know. Here, he explains that Flynn was just a "volunteer" for the campaign, and that Manafort played a "very limited role." For real:
Spicer says Paul Manafort played a "very limited role" in the campaign
He was the CAMPAIGN MANAGER. He ran the ENTIRE Trump campaign! pic.twitter.com/rfTJbt63zt
— Steve Kopack (@SteveKopack) March 20, 2017
To be clear, Paul Manafort was Trump's CAMPAIGN CHAIRMAN (after Trump fired Corey Lewandowski for being a girl-batterer) who had "control of the daily operations of the campaign as well as an expanded $20 million budget, hiring decisions, advertising, and media strategy," and Michael Flynn was an adviser throughout the campaign, who then became THE NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER for the Trump regime. Until he got canned because of those mean leakers, who very meanly and illegally but mostly meanly proved all the Trump people were lying about how they weren't living up inside Russia's butt.
We assume that, at some point in his life, Sean Spicer has possessed some modicum of personal integrity. And we bet it's very exciting to get to work at the White House for the president of the United States, even if it's an illegitimate fuckbaby president like Trump. But at what point does Spicer realize that the amount of gum he swallows pales in comparison to the sheer vomit geyser of lies he spews back out of his gum-hole each day, and decide it's just not worth it?
Then again, he works for Donald Trump, so we might be wrong about him having some vague level of integrity. Forget we asked.
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