Open Up Your Wallet, Sucker. Wonkette Just Broke Your Browser For The Very Last Time.
Imagine a world where you don't have to email me at rebecca at wonkette dot com to tell me you can't read Wonkette's latest vicious snarlings because we done broke your browser (again). Imagine a world of Internet SO FAST, and also free of all the boob ads, which for some reason make you sad. (They are BOOBS. I thought you liked boobs!) Imagine that this can be yours for either $4.99, $9.99, $24.99, or $99.99 per month, none of which offers any more than the others. Imagine that you, too, are married to my husband, and he made this just for you. His name is Shypixel, and he wants you to be happy.
Well, it is ALL TRUE, my Terrible Ones, except for the part where you are married to my husband. But you still reap (some of!) the benefits!
Perhaps you would like to buy a subscription for someone you love! YOU CAN DO THAT! IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!
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But don't expect us to check the PO box every day, because we are probably off in the #wonkebago, spending your moneys.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.