Oregon Bigot Bakers Cave To Big Gay, Probably Getting Eated By Lions Right Now

He left, too bad.

You know that thing when you're being persecuted by the homosexuals, and you've been fighting and fighting (and getting awards from the Family Research Council in the process!), but at last you are too tired to fight, so you give up and let the gays send the lions to eat you for dinner? This is that thing, except for how nobody is getting eated by lions. However, it probably feels that way for Aaron and Melissa Klein, frosting god and goddess of the Christian baking organization Sweet Cakes By Melissa, who got a $135,000 fine slapped on them by the disco queen lawmakers who run Oregon, when they refused to make a penis cake for a lesbian wedding. (Or whatever lesbians want drawn on their wedding cakes. Two Home Depot trucks scissoring in the night probably.)

So Aaron and Melissa huffed and they puffed and they blowed a lot of "religious freedom" bullshit up everybody's asses for six months, but now they have given up and paid the fine, haha sucks to be them:

Damages were awarded in July for emotional suffering caused by Sweet Cakes by Melissa, which two years ago refused to make a wedding cake for Laurel and Rachel Bowman-Cryer. The bakers said their refusal was prompted by religious beliefs.

[contextly_sidebar id="GF4OAo3pnUEMDe9Lw70ABgu0wldtQhP3"]Ayup, and you can't do that in Oregon, because it's one of the gay-lover states. Now, we said at the time that $135,000 does seem like A LOT OF FINE, and maybe it wouldn't be so easy for these fuckasses to cry "We're getting concentration camped!" if the fine wasn't so excessive, but we don't make the laws, we just tell twat-sporks like these people to follow them.

And lest you be worried that paying the fuck up will render the Kleins unable to do basic things like pay bills and take Jesus out for romantic nights on the town, do remember that these chargrilled river turds have had TWO sexxxy GoFundMe-type experiences this year.

[contextly_sidebar id="OckgzAGOTLChUDIjq3Bk4JdrV7uE5cig"]The first, an ACTUAL GoFundMe, raised $109,000 before the company remembered it has a policy against letting thug crimers raise money to pay for their lives of thug crime. Because the Kleins had been found in violation of Oregon state law, they were just the sorts of thugs GoFundMe was trying to weed out. Melissa Klein, of course, blamed the company's clearly written policies on Dark Lord Satan, because she is a moron.

The Kleins' second whore-grifting crowdfunding thing, which is still active, is on ContinueToGive.com, and as of right now it has reached 273 percent of its initial goal of $150,000, so let's do some math on the back of the napkin: carry the 2, and oh yeah, that's over $409,000. The Kleins got to keep the original GoFundMe bucks, and now they have all these extra bigot bucks, so we think it's safe to say fuck these fools sideways with the cake froster they should have used to make those lezzies their fucking wedding cake.

The only sad part of this story is that, now that they've paid the fuck up, they have officially caved to Big Gay, which means they will go to hell when they die, because that's how Loving Jesus rolls, yo. It's just going to be the Kleins and Kim Davis, sharing cake frosting and lady jumper tips, sharing space in a fiery dormitory for all eternity, probably guarded by a lesbogay demon named Fran or something. Oh well, SADDEST TROMBONE EVER.

[New York Times via Gawker]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc