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Nature is so beautiful. Can't wait to cut it all down!


[contextly_sidebar id="u0NTi9XhFf0S2LjtNl5jdRLdnRMUra0r"]In a touching story that proves patriotism is a family value, Oregon Public Broadcasting confirmed Friday there are at least two young children staying at the Bundy Militia Insurge-O-Ree in eastern Oregon, where militants have taken over the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge to make some kind of point about their bizarre interpretation of the Constitution. OPB reports a militia couple who have been involved in the armed takeover of the refuge since it started on Jan. 2 have pulled their two daughters, aged 8 and 9, out of school and have them at the occupied refuge headquarters. It's a unique home-schooling environment that gives the girls the opportunity to help restore the Constitution by forcing the federal government to turn over all federal lands to the states, or at least maybe make the FBI think twice before storming the place with guns blazing.

[contextly_sidebar id="obloj9gmMFALdj4gGJgPeOs0jCvGtTEb"]What an adventure! It's like an extended field trip where the kids also have the chance to be human shields.

To protect their identity, OPB is not naming the kids or their parents; the children are fairly new arrivals at ground zero of the pretend second American Revolution:

The children were visible inside one of the buildings Thursday evening. One of the little girls asked to come outside by a campfire but was not allowed. The kids were also seen playing and wrestling together in a hallway in their pajamas.

The kids are from out of state and have been at the refuge since early this week. They spend most of their time out of sight of reporters and visitors.

The children’s mother did not respond to multiple requests for comment.

[contextly_sidebar id="c4sN3rjuk2oRbGtFErG664oPTA9NH748"]They sound like fun people! And the girls have some great role models in the camp, like First Among Egos Ammon Bundy, who has led his merry men in tearing up fences and threatening Paiute archaeological sites, or the geniuses stealing government vehicles (which belong to We The People anyway, so it ain't theft), or the guy who was convicted in 1977 of second degree murder when he killed his father, or the guy who insists American slavery was a myth. Not to mention pretty much everyone else there, most of whom have vowed to die before they'll allow the federal government to take back the wildlife refuge.

Since they're staying at a nature refuge, we bet the girls are learning all sorts of things about nature, like how it has to be cleared so that ranchers can graze cattle for free, or burned down to protect your homestead. Not to mention the hands-on homeschooling lessons they're learning about American Government, which is that if you're heavily armed and have highlighted a few lines in the Constitution that don't mean what you think they do, you can do whatever the hell you want, especially if you think God told you to.

[contextly_sidebar id="sPCI1xP8y0nXICoN4HAZksD04h2wIn1v"]In other BundyPalooza news, some reporters from RawStory hung out at the wildlife refuge to observe the invasive Cuckoo species that have been nesting there, and while the whole report is worth a read, we have some sad news for you Wonkers: You know all the dildos that kind-hearted Americans have sent to help the BundyTroopers get through the winter? Well darned if the Bunditarians are eating the sex toys at all; Raw Story reports that they're incinerating them in a veritable Dongfire of the Wangities:

Nearly a dozen militants were out back chatting, gathered around a small wood fire. A few feet away others dug through a box of mail, throwing items, mainly sex toys, into an oil drum fire. One held up a large white cardboard cutout of a cock and balls, saying of the flag and eagle drawing on it, “At least it’s patriotic,” before feeding it to the flames. Another militiaman walked by with a black butt plug adorned with googly eyes, saying, “I didn’t even know what this was before someone told me,” as he sacrificed it. We were handed a fake plastic turd as a memento.

Presumably, the children are being protected from seeing such horrors, although it's unclear whether any steps were being taken to protect them from the toxic smoke of burning vinyl and polyethylene. Not that burning stuff is bad, because God burns stuff in the Bible, and it never hurt anyone. The reporters say that their presence near the flaming lustbarrel put the militia gals in a right unfriendly temper:

The mood started to curdle. “Mama Bear,” one of at least a half-dozen women present, repeatedly warned she didn’t want any reporting “to put us in danger.” She specifically asked us not to mention the barrel of flaming dildos. It is unclear how knowledge of that would put them at risk for anything more than internet ridicule.

Christ, don't these Lamestream Media idiots understand anything about OPSEC? You never let the enemy know that you're burning your dildos. For one thing, they might send more dildos. Or worse, they might stop sending dildos. One way or the other, there already seem to be plenty of dildos still walking around Bundyland, despite the sacrificial holococks. Won't somebody think of the children?

[Oregon Public Broadcasting / RawStory / Rawstory again]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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