Orrin Hatch, that admirable bag of moral rectitude, explained yesterday that "crimes" are mostly in the eye of the beholder, that Democrats just make up all kinds of crazy allegations against Donald Trump (from Trump's own Justice Department), and that when it comes right down to it, he can't be bothered to care whether Trump may have directed Michael Cohen to commit some light campaign fraud felonies. Look, what happened before Trump took office is ancient history that hushed up a scandal that would have kept Trump out of office, is all's Hatch is sayin'. Besides, just look at this booming economy!

Here, enjoy CNN reporter Manu Raju getting talking to Senator Situational Ethics:

It's a really great example of one of America's top experts on the Rule of Law carefully considering questions of great principle. Raju asked Hatch whether he was concerned that last week's federal court filings implicate Trump in the commission of felonies by Cohen, and Hatch got straight to the legal question that matters most:

Well, I think the Democrats will do anything to hurt this president, Anything. What happened before he was elected president, you know, is one thing. But since he's been elected, the economy has done well, our country's moving ahead, we're in better shape than we were before he became president. And I think we ought to judge him on that basis.

Raju, ever the troublemaker, pointed out the allegation of involvement in a felony came from "the Southern District of New York, the US Attorney," not "the Democrats," but Hatch saw right through that distraction: "You think he's a Republican, do you?" GOTCHA! There are disloyal people everywhere, and as we all know, only Republicans should be prosecutors! Oh, and also, if you want to get all technical, US Attorney Geoffrey Berman is a Trump appointee, as Raju, that pest, pointed out.

But Orrin Hatch, defender of truth and justice, wasn't going to be caught in the clever reporter's web of truths, because there's a principle at stake here: "Okay, but I don't care; all I can say is he's doing a good job as President." Welcome to the 2020 Republican campaign motto, America!

Hatch had further thoughts about the rule of law and crap like that:

I don't think he was involved in crimes but even then, you know, you can make anything a crime under the current laws; if you want to. You can blow it way out of proportion–you can do a lot of things.

Hatch suggested that, in all honesty, we just need to look at the big picture, because we are no longer living in the Before Times, or didn't you notice?

President Trump -- before he became president, that's another world. Since he's become president, this economy has charged ahead. We're all better off [...] And I think we ought to judge him on that basis rather than trying to drum up things from the past that may or may not be true.

Honestly, how can you even act as if a payoff scheme that bought the silence of two women whose stories would have changed Trump's electoral chances is even relevant today? Besides, so many things just arbitrarily get called "crimes," even when rich white men do them! Also, whatever happened to the good old days of bipartisanship, when people just got along and let Orrin Hatch nonpartisanly smear Anita Hill with accusations of completely making up sexual harassment, because that might have kept Clarence Thomas off the Supreme Court?

Not surprisingly, the liars and smearers in the Liberal Media were quick to paint Hatch's constant, principled devotion to the truth as if it were some sort of base hypocrisy, noting that when Hatch voted to convict Bill Clinton in his 1999 impeachment trial -- "not because I want to but because I must" -- he was all kinds of disturbed by presidential criming, regardless of how "serious" it might be:

Committing crimes of moral turpitude such as perjury and obstruction of justice go to the heart of qualification for public office. These offenses were committed by the chief executive of our country, the individual who swore to faithfully execute the laws of the United States.

This great nation can tolerate a President who makes mistakes. But it cannot tolerate one who makes a mistake and then breaks the law to cover it up. Any other citizen would be prosecuted for these crimes.

On the other hand, paying off two ladies Donald Trump allegedly had extramarital sex with, so they wouldn't get in the way of his being elected, well gosh, that may or may not have even happened, and it may or may not be a "crime." But you see, Donald Trump has presided over an economic expansion, while there was no significant economic growth under Clinton, so that makes all the difference, doesn't it?

In a statement his office didn't actually write but might as well could have, Hatch later clarified, "Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself. (I am large, I contain multitudes.)"

Orrin Hatch will be retiring at the end of the current Congress, and will be replaced by another white Republican man of sterling integrity and backbone, Mitt Romney.

[WaPo / CNN on YouTube]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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