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Our Cup Runneth Over: Worst Psychiatrist Ever and Worst Mustache Ever May Both Run For Senate

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Ohmygod psychiatrist Keith Ablow. We LOVE this guy. He does for psychiatry what Orly Taitz does for the law. Also, too, we get to write about himall the time. Quick overview if you're not feeling all clicky-clicky: Obama was abandoned as a child and will always have a vacant gaping hole because of it and that gaping hole makes him not love guns, boys are not nearly manly enough and ladiez are always trying to emasculate them, Joe Biden probably has dementia, etc. etc. (Do not fucking libel Old Handsome Joe, Keith Ablow. We will cut you. CUT. YOU.). What is Fox psychiatrist Keith Ablow blathering on about now? Oh, just how he'd be generous enough to run for Senate if the GOP asks him really really nice-like:


Psychiatrist Keith Ablow, a Fox News contributor, on Monday said he would run for the Senate seat being vacated by John Kerry (D-MA) if he didn’t have to a face a primary challenger...

“The Party can’t afford to spend precious resources on a divisive primary,” Ablow added. “If all the leaders of the Party united around me -– to preclude a primary, I would run. Such unity looks improbable at this time.”

GOP, why will you not unite around this fine man? He's sure to be as successful a candidate for Massachusetts as Christine O'Donnell was for Delaware. (Remember her? We LOVED her). Just think: he could provide free psychiatric services for his colleagues, as he appears to not need to, you know, actually talk to someone to diagnose them. Seriously, we would support this guy as a candidate SO HARD because we need posts right now and otherwise that Massachusetts race will be a snore-fest.

We're pretty damn hopeful this happens too:

Ablow isn’t the only Fox News personality who is mulling a Senate run. Geraldo Rivera said last week he was considering running for the U.S. Senate as a Republican in New Jersey.

God, we know we've never, ever done anything good enough to make either of these things happen, but dear god please please please make both these things happen.

[Raw Story]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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