John Brennan Just Wants To Remind You ... Wonkagenda For Thurs., Aug. 16, 2018

John Brennan's won't go quietly, Steve Bannon's has new Trump pr0n, and the "gay cake" guy comes back. Your morning news brief.

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things wemaybe talking about today.

 The jury in Paul Manafort's Ukrainian blood money trial have sequested themselves to decide whether or not Trump has to pardon Paul Manafort. Prosecutors have told them to consider all of Manafort's shady loans and ostrich coats , while the defense told them (against the wishes of the showboating judge) to think bad thoughts about Robert Mueller.

Rudy Giuliani called up WaPo to say Trump will deny a subpoena request from Robert Mueller, and "argue it before the Supreme Court, if it ever got there." At least he didn't lie (for once).

In a new interview with the WSJ, Trump boasts his trade war is going gangbusters, and that he'll make US steel great again. He then called John Brennan and Robert Mueller cucks, and bragged about how many nutbars with his endorsements have won their Republican primaries.

Former CIA Director John Brennan penned an ANGRY op-ed in the NY Times saying Trump's criticisms are "hogwash" and adding the only question about Trump's treason with Russia is which members of Trump & Co. are guilty. ( All of them, Katie .)

People across the political spectrum are PISSED that Trump yanked former CIA Director John Brennan's security clearance as a convenient political distraction just as Paul Manafort is about to go to jail, and Omarosa was about to whip out another tape.

Democrats are getting fed up with the very limited happy funtime documents coming from the George W. Bush White House about Trump's SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh, but there's really nothing they can do. The National Archives will still be poring over tens of thousands of documents when Kavanaugh appears before the Senate in September.

A bipartisan Senate investigation has concluded that Trump's HHS forgets all about the little Mexican babies its kidnapped after they leave unloving arms of Uncle Trump, and they're asking them to keep tabs on the kids just in case they're sent to abusive homes or sold into sexual slavery.

While everyone was laughing at Omarosa's secret tapes and screaming at the ghost of Richard Nixon, Trump reversed Obama-era rules governing cyber warfare, removing the silly bureaucratic rigmarole that has kept the US from attacking other countries with 1's and 0's. 

An attempt to change the name, size, and scope a tiny arm of the DHS responsible for cybersecurity and infrastructure continues to stall in the Senate thanks to bickering, infighting, and the stupidity of Wisconsin Republican Sen. Ron Johnson.

It's getting rough for journalists covering the Pentagon after its top spox, former Heritage Foundation flunky Dana White, began threatening reporters with reprisals for stories staff didn't like by restricting access to briefings, interviews, and travel with Defense Secretary Jim Mattis. Press officers have admitted to media outlets they've been retaliating against journalists in emails and phone calls, but later deny doing the thing they've already admitted. What a bunch of Heathers!

There's a big fight brewing between Congress and the Trump administration on everything about school funding. That includes the continuation of Pell Grants, slashing funds from public schools, and dumping that money into charters. They're certainly thinking of the children...

Trump's attempt to roll back Obama-era environmental regulations hinges on rejiggering the numbers and using fuzzy new math to make it look like the hippies are hugging the trees to death.

California Republican Rep. Kevin McCarthy, the highest ranking Tea Party jerk, was shouted down by protesters while speaking at a California think tank about Republican efforts to stave off a #BlueWave, saying, “if we get 49 percent of the vote, we'll get about 51, 53 percent of the seats." Democracy, how does it work?

Arizona Republican Senate candidate "Chemtrail" Kelli Ward is sending out campaign mailers with fake Trump tweets since Trump won't come out and give her a full throated endorsement of her deep thoughts on science and the invasion of Mexican lizard babies.

Cook Political Report just announced the Kansas governor's race is now atoss-up after Kris Kobach became the Republican gubernatorial nominee.

Trump's henchmen think a Blue Wave will be great for Trump and allow him to slip even further into mental instability.

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo shocked supporters during a speech when he criticized Trump's MAGA message and said, "We're not going to make America great again - it was never that great." Rather than focusing on the full context of the statement, everyone is sobbing uncontrollably into tiny plastic flags and insisting Cuomo proves all Dems hate America.

 A massive mortgage fraud investigation into commercial properties is underway, focusing on scams by apartment building owners. It'skind oflike the 2007 mortgage crisis, but involves apartment complex owners lying to the feds and building ghost towns. It's boring and complicated, but this is a good story. How's that for a pitch?

San Francisco is full of shit, so they've tapped five Public Works staffers to form a Poop Patrol. Their mission: reduce the ridiculous amount of human and animal feces all over the sidewalks.

 The "gay cake" guy in Colorado is back in the news for refusing to make cakes for a trans woman because Jesus, or whatever.

Democrats in the House and Senate want the intel community, DOD, State Department, and Trump administration to explain why the US is providing logistical support for an Arab military coalition in Yemen, following a bombing that killed dozens of children on a school bus.

Later this month the US and China are sending low-level peons to meet and mull over an end to Trump's trade war, but nerds are worried things are just going to get worse.

As the Turkish lira continues to get sucked down the economic toilet thanks to Trump's trade war,Qatar has announced a $15 billion bail out Turkish dictator Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

John Bolton is packing his mustache for a meeting with Russian officials in Geneva next week, if only to find out all the things Trump gave Putin during the Helsinki summit.

A judge in Malaysia has ordered two women involved in the mysterious death of Kim Jong Un's brother to take the stand and defend themselves. The women maintain they were pawns in a politically motivated assassination, not murdery hoors.

A new survey from Consumer Reports finds that people LOVE their community-owned municipal broadband because it's faster, more reliable and cheaper than AT&T, Verizon, and Comcast. SUCK IT, MA BELL!

The FCC has shut down a pirate radio station run by Alex Jones , and fined the station $15,000. Naturally, the station owners are refusing to pay, or even to recognize the FCC's authority. First they turned the frogs gay, and we said nothing. Then they came for pirate radio stations...

Twitter CEO @Jack Dorsey sat down with NBC's Lester Holt last night to talk about Alex's Jones' Twitter "time out," and how putting on big boy pants is a lot harder than Mark Zuckerberg said it would be. [ Video ]

WaPo has a profile on Kellyanne and George Conway, and it is BANANAS! They're like Odd Couple, except she's Skeletor, he's "Hawaiian," and they (kind of) still love each other. Or something.

After striking out in Europe, Steve Bannon is slithering back to the spotlight in 'Merica with a new movie aimed at making Trump great again. After wiping off their mouths, Axios posted the first trailer . It's about as nutty as his other low-budget Second Civil War mockumentaries.

Samantha Bee released a list of fascists to watch in 2018, including Illinois Nazis and the creepy alt-right jerks taking over college Republicans.

And here's your morning Nice Time! Tranquil deer! 

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