WELCOME. TO. HELLLLL. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Sept. 27, 2018

Trump's insane presser, Brett Kavanaugh faces the music, and the world pees in Trump's back yard. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things wemaybe talking about today.

Trump gave a batshit, 81-minute press conference in New York where he insulted everyone and everything except himself and his "very big brain." Trump stated his preference to keep Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein (for now), accused China of hacking the upcoming midterms (not Russia), obsessively insulted and badgered the press (and professed his love for the NY Times), claimed the United Nations was laughingwith him(and not at him), and said we should be happy we're not in a nuclear war with North Korea (instead of an endless war in the Middle East). Trump also called Democrats "con artists," and claimed they would vote against George Washington, bitched about Canada refusing his NAFTA renegotiations, and told young men to be afraid of women who might destroy their careers. Very presidential.

During hisinsanepresser, Trump continued to back Judge Brett Kavanaughand cast doubt about the #MeToo movement by saying women who come forward with sexual assault allegations "want money" from famous people (like himself). Trump charged that Democrats where orchestrating a "big, fat con job," but noted he "could be persuaded" to dump Kavanaugh if Dr. Christine Blasey Ford's testimony is persuasive. Over on the Hill, a number ofRepublicans continue to back Kavanaugh despite the flurry of accusations, but privately they're microwaving shitsandwiches with Mike Pence and bracing for Trump's wrath.

Last night the Senate Judiciary Committee revealed two men have come forward claiming they, not Brett Kavanaugh, may have been responsible for sexually assaulting Dr. Blasey Ford in 1982. Staffers on the Republican-led committee didn't release any additional information about the two men, or where on the grassy knoll Ted Cruz's dad was in 1982.

Speaking of which, yes, Evan will be here liveblogging the hearings ALL DAY. Give us money.

This morning John Heilemann released an informal interview with Julie Swetnick where she states, "If he's going to have that seat legitimately, all of these things should be investigated because, from what I experienced firsthand, I don't think he belongs on the Supreme Court."

A photographer for Roll Call noticed somebody left a nice note for Dr. Blasey Ford while setting up. : )

The New York Times has a quick fact-check about all the garbage coming from internet trolls accusing women of being #DeepState Soros-backed Killary assassins.

The Trump administration is going to have a hell of a time replacing Rod Rosenstein as the list of potential candidates all have backgrounds as smarmy conservative swamp monsters.

 The House Intel Committee will vote tomorrow on whether to release transcripts from its long dead Trump-Russia investigation so Devin Nunes can leak out crap about HER EMAILS before the midterms.

The House voted 361-61 to pass the stop-gap spending bill that STILL doesn't give any money for Trump's goddamn wall. Yesterday Trump told reporters that he intends to sign the bill , so let's not tell him about the wall, OK?

The Tea Party crazies jammed through a symbolic measure to ban undocumented immigrants from voting as a way to really stick it to all the sanctuary cities who can't grant undocumented immigrants the right to vote in federal elections. You know, just in case three million bad hombres got a bright idea (again) ...

A US appeals court upheld a Louisiana law that forces doctors performing abortions to have admitting privileges at nearby hospitals. Even though the law is practically identical to a Texas law struck down by SCOTUS in 2016, the court said there was no evidence abortion clinics will be forced to close, like they did all over Texas. #MAGA

Eric Blankenstein, a high-ranking Trump appointee to the CFPB, says his "14-year-old blog posts" about "racial idiocy" and "hate-crime hoaxes" being more prevalent than actual hate crimes have no effect on his job enforcing financial discrimination and fair lending practices. Blankenstein calls questions about the posts "another nail in the coffin of civil discourse," and says he is guilty of "governing while conservative."

Yesterday the Fed announced a quarter-percentage-point increase in interest rates and cited particularly strong job and economic growth. Despite moaning and wailing from Trump, the Fed signaled it intends to raise rates again later this year in order to curb stagnant wage growth and rising inflation. 

Farmers caught in the middle of Trump's trade war with China say bailouts aren't going to be enough as prices for soy beans and pork are expected to continue to nosedive based on new USDA estimates.

Democratic Sen. Tim Kaine faced off with openly racist Republican challenger Corey Stewart in a debate where Stewart falsely misconstrued Kaine's legislative record and accused Kaine of paying $17.2 million to hide 264 sexual assault claims. Kaine thenabsolutely spankedStewart, and sealed the deal by reminding voters of Stewart's disdain for the Equal Rights Amendment.

The world took turns pissing on Trump's lawn at yesterday's UN Security Council meeting until Trump got up and walked out. TLDR:  They all said Trump was wrong (even Russia) , Obama was right, and Nikki Haley looked presidential as fuck. #ShesRunning.

 Steve Bannon is running around the world propping up neo-fascist and far-right populist candidates for what he calls "The Movement," but many in Europe are telling him to go home (as if he were welcome in America).

 Erick Erickson tells the Daily Beast that all the women trying to #MeToo Kavanaugh's SCOTUS nod has built a bridge between Reaganite Never Trumpers to stand in solidarity with their racist, slackjawed cousins.

Samantha Bee is so sick of this shit tornado of a week that she's literally setting things on fire.

During a hearing before the Senate Commerce Committee, executives from Amazon, Google, and other tech companies cautioned against data-privacy legislation that would keep them from selling ads and harvesting user data. It's not so much that tech companies want your data, there's also the fact Congress is full of idiots.

In order to beat municipal broadband projects into submission, the FCC approved a plan to deploy 5G wireless by gutting red tape set up by local governments who don't want micropayments and trickle-down internet service provided by some crooked telecom company. This morning WaPo published an op-ed by piece of shit FCC Chairman Ajit Pai complaining about how China is beating us in wireless rollout.

In order to avoid the very real possibility of a Hollywood-style apocalyptic asteroid, Trump wants $100 million for NASA's planetary defense, and has ordered FEMA to plan for asteroid strikes. The potential for a catastrophic space rock ending all life on Earth even alarmed Sen. Ted Cruz last month when he asked NASA Associate Administrator Thomas Zurbuchen, "What steps do we need to be taking so that we don't have to rely on sending Bruce Willis to space to save humanity?"

A 21-year-old US airman has been arrested on a laundry list of charges after smoking a bunch of meth and heroin and leading police in Arizona police on a high speed chase. After evading police, the airman eventually turned himself in and said he believed he was "in a video game." 

And here's your morning Nice Time! It's BINGO! 

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