18 Percent Of Americans THAT Stupid

You know what we're talking about.

We have reached the point in our national mental deterioration where pollsters are asking people if they believe Taylor Swift is a Deep State plant to rig the election for Joe Biden. Good pollsters too, not like Rasmussen or Trump’s favorite poll unskewer lunatic John McLaughlin. It’s Monmouth, so we can at least hope the pollsters asking the questions did so with a dry sense of humor, personally judging anybody who answered like a DSM-V patient.

According to their results, 18 percent of Americans do indeed believe Taylor Swift is a PsyOp. That’s right, one out of five. You can guess where these people are concentrated, or you may already know if you live near too many white conservatives.

The good news, says Monmouth, is that fully two-thirds of Americans think it’s great when Swift tries to get folks to vote. (The PsyOp is worrrrrrrrrrkinnnnnnnng.)

Behold the Venn Diagram of the stupidest people this country has ever shat out like a late-night Taco Bell poor choices menu:

Just under half (46%) of the American public has heard something about Swift being part of a supposed covert government effort to help Biden win the 2024 presidential election. Just under 1 in 5 Americans (18%) believe such a conspiracy involving Swift exists. Fully 71% of those who believe this identify with or lean toward the Republican Party and 83% indicate they are likely to support Donald Trump in the fall. Also, nearly three-quarters (73%) of those who believe the Swift conspiracy also believe the 2020 election outcome was fraudulent.

Monmouth notes that some of the “yes that’s happening” respondents — 42 percent! — were also people who hadn’t heard the conspiracy theory until Monmouth presented it to them. They sound cool!

“The supposed Taylor Swift PsyOp conspiracy has legs among a decent number of Trump supporters. Even many who hadn’t heard about it before we polled them accept the idea as credible. Welcome to the 2024 election,” said Patrick Murray, director of the independent Monmouth University Polling Institute.

Lord!

“Well now that you mention it, Mr. Monmouth, I do think Taylor Swift is a Deep State covert op the CIA has been running since 1989, the year of our queen’s birth, almost exactly one month after the Berlin Wall fell! COINCIDENCE?”

It’s no surprise that there’s a lot of overlap between Trump supporters and people who think Biden stole the election and people who think Taylor Swift is an Illuminati lizard priestess. Dumb is dumb is dumb.

Of the 68 percent who think it’s great for Swift to get people to vote, unsurprisingly that’s only 42 percent of Republicans, as opposed to 88 percent of Democrats and 71 percent of independents.

Another set of numbers that jumps out at us is related to Taylor Swift’s overall approval rating. (This is the news, go fuck yourself if you do not understand that.) It’s 39 percent, like a common Joe Biden, so if the infallible divine empress of the galaxy is only at 39, we don’t know why fuckers are so freaked out about old Joe.

Her disapproval rating is only 13 percent. Keep that in mind next time you see people bitching about her, what a small, irrelevant slice of America we’re really talking about. (But wait, 18 percent say yes she’s a Deep State plant, but only 13 percent disapprove of her? Which must mean some portion of the conspiracy theorists are fine with it? God, people are weird.)

Meanwhile, 43 percent of Americans don’t have an opinion of Swift (!!!!) and five percent have never heard of her (EXECUTE THEM).

We are kidding (PERHAPS).

Let’s see what else …

Twenty-two percent of adults are Taylor fans — yes, this is truly an entire damn poll about Taylor — and six percent are true Swifties. Taylor’s biggest adult fan group is between ages 35 and 55, so eat a bag of dicks, Fox News hosts trying to act like the 34-year-old singer isn’t allowed to slam a beer, lest she lead the children into a lifetime of also slamming a beer on occasion. (They do say it’s because that cohort is more likely to have kids at home, and it is absolutely true that a lot of parents and their teens/kids are true fans of Swift together. Anybody who goes to a Swift concert can observe that in the wild.)

JoeMyGod does the calculator math and finds that if there are 258 million American adults, then if 18 percent believe Taylor Swift is the lizard alien CIA Deep State, that’s, um, 46 million people. Sweet Jesus. Be careful out there, y’all.

“You’re all crazy,” said Travis Kelce about all this before winning the Super Bowl like Joe Biden and his girlfriend and the Devil had instructed him. “Every last one of you, you’re crazy.”

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On a more serious note, we all know there was a terrible mass shooting yesterday at the Super Bowl parade in Kansas City. Police are looking for a motive and have three people in custody in connection with it. So that means we don’t know why yet. We won’t be like right-wingers who declare every mass shooter transgender even after the police have long explained that they weren’t, but we will not be surprised if it turns out the person who did this was one of the bugfucks this poll is about.

We are just saying.

[Monmouth]

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Fox News Saw Taylor Swift Doing A Beer

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Evan Hurst on Twitter right here. 

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