Why Is Tucker Carlson 'Sh*tting Himself' Today?
And 'Alex Jones sending nakey wife pix to Roger Stone' isn't even the main part of this post.
You are probably thinking this blog post is about Tucker Carlson shitting himself over the FBI's day-long search of Donald Trump's tacky Mar-a-Lago club in Palm Beach. But y'all, we regret to inform you that Tucker was out last night. He didn't come to work! Did he have a good reason? We don't know, but Media Matters reports that Fox News understudy idiot Will Cain filled in, and he hosted Stephen Miller, who said the raid was an "abomination" and Steve Bannon called the FBI the "Gestapo" and Lara Trump said her father-in-law just likes to clip things out of the newspaper and why is the FBI arresting Mar-a-Lago because her father-in-law clipped some things out of the newspaper.
PREVIOUSLY! Good Morning, Donald Trump. Welcome To F*cking Around And Finding Out!
Meanwhile, the Daily Beast reports that Tucker is "shitting himself." Did he call in to work last night "shitting himself"?
Unclear! This story came out just as the news about the Mar-a-Lago search was taking over the airwaves. But apparently Tucker is "shitting himself" worried that we might all get to read his texts with Alex Jones. Apparently those two guys text every day , and the Daily Beast's sources say it would be "highly embarrassing" for Tucker if we all got to read them.
We bet we are going to get to read them.
The House January 6 Select Committee has all Alex Jones's texts, after his lawyers accidentally hit the "send opposing counsel all Alex Jones's texts for two whole years" button on their Jitterbug phones.
JITTERBUG! Alex Jones And His Lawyer Get Spaaaaanked In Court
We bet Liz Cheney will show us some hot heavy Alex/Tucker sext canoodling, or whatever it ends up being. And we bet it'll be gross.
We've been learning more and more about the relationship between those two. Jones was so excited when Tucker shot part of the footage for his documentary, "Live Laugh Love Chop Wood Milk Cow Tan Your Peenerballs XXX" on Jones's Texas property. And Tucker is so hot for Alex Jones, because performative masculinity issues really do seem to be his thing.
SO EXCITED! Alex Jones So Excited Tucker Shot Part Of His Little Weenus-Tanning Documentary On His Property
Listen to Tucker build an entire interstate highway system for snails as he dribbled forth his love for Jones back in April of this year. (That's right, Tucker is EISENHOWER OF THE SNAILS.)
"I'm just fascinated by the hate for Alex Jones. I'm not a daily Alex Jones viewer. I don't view anything regularly, actually. But I think Alex Jones seems really talented. He's smart. He's funny as hell. Truly funny. He's a lot more talented than I am in a lot of ways. That's my takeaway from Alex Jones. But why is he such a threat? Like, why would you hate Alex Jones? I've never understood that."
Now read that in context of a guy who reportedly texts the guy every day. Oh that guy? Tucker doesn't watch him all the time. He seems cool, though. NO HOMO.
And that wasn't the first time. Yeah, we can see why he's "shitting himself."
The Daily Beast reports that Mark Bankston, who represents the Sandy Hook families what just were awarded 45 million of Alex Jones's dollars, has said there are "intimate messages" between Alex Jones and Roger Stone in the tranche. Apparently he sent a nakey picture of his wife to Roger Stone , as people in traditional heterosexual marriages so often do. We don't know what else might have gone down between Jones and Stone, but Bankston did say "intimate messages" plural .
We can only imagine what might be in there if Tucker Carlson is "shitting himself." Does Tucker send nakeys to Alex Jones? Does Alex Jones send nakeys to Tucker? Do they send each other videos of gay frogs? Close-ups of their latest experiments with tanning their balls?
We guess we will just have to wait until the news gods decide is the absolute funniest moment for us to read every fucking word .
[ Daily Beast ]
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