By The Pricking Of Our Thumbs, Something Treason This Way Comes? Allegedly!
What did we say two days ago? We'll tell you what we said two days ago.
Let's hop in the Wonkette Two Days Ago Time Machine (it's a very cheap time machine) and see what we were saying. Probably something about farts.
[B]ased on what Trump's people are saying, we are guessing whatever the FBI found is extremely bad, like blow your fucking mind bad, like new level of treason we hadn't even imagined yet bad.
Why? Because suddenly everybody closest to Trump seems to agree the FBI has planted evidence . It's like they're all trying to prepare us for the type of revelation that will lead people to call for the man to be hanged on live television as Super Bowl halftime show entertainment.
And that's just scratching the surface of what Trump, his lawyers, and his allies are saying.
But whether it's the omnipresent lie about the FBI planting evidence, or saying that Joe Biden's 87,000 new special forces IRS SEAL teams are going to KILL YOU ( Brian Kilmeade did that last night), or rebranding the FBI as the Gestapo, or suggesting the Deep State is about to assassinate Trump — all to protect a really sickly turd that accidentally got misidentified as a human baby back in the early 1940s — it is a level of hysteria that only makes sense if they are desperately trying to get us to LOOK OVER THERE, presumably away from what we described as what might be a new level of treason previously unimaginable, something that would reasonably make the average American curious if public executions during Super Bowl halftime were too déclassé , or should we do it during "The Voice" or something.
Last night, the Washington Post came out with this scoop:
Classified documents relating to nuclear weapons were among the items FBI agents sought in a search of former president Donald Trump’s Florida residence on Monday, according to people familiar with the investigation.
Oh. Ohhhhhhhh .
Well, that's stunning, but also sort of vague, and we suppose it could mean a lot of things RELATING TO NUCLEAR WEAPONS, but let's get back in that Wonkette Two Days Ago Time Machine real quick one more time, don't worry, we'll Bill & Ted right back to the present after:
So, the question remains: What state secrets did Donald Trump steal, and quite frankly, which American enemies was he planning on giving them to or, perhaps more likely, selling for forgiveness of his billion-dollar-plus debts? You know, allegedly .
Or maybe for tradesies for asylum, if the shit really starts hitting the fan.
You know, allegedly .
Who knows! Put nothing past this man. Ever . But we'll have to wait to find out. It's all speculation at this point, based on everything we know about the man.
Washington Post , continued:
Experts in classified information said the unusual search underscores deep concern among government officials about the types of information they thought could be located at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Club and potentially in danger of falling into the wrong hands.
Yeah, that could be bad.
Hey, funny fact! When Attorney General Merrick Garland did his big announcement yesterday, where he dressed up as a friendly bear and told America's schoolchildren that only they could prevent forest fires and also that he had personally approved the raid on Mar-a-Lago, he also called Team Trump's bluff in a huge way and said the Justice Department had indeed moved to unseal the warrant for the raid, so everybody and their mother and Jesus and Santa Claus could see it. Of course, Team Trump would have to agree. Or they could just keep yelling about tyranny and his lawyers could keep suggesting the FBI had planted evidence.
Well, at least as of last night, Maggie Haberman and Katie Benner were reporting that Team Trump was looking into challenging that very unsealing. And then here came this scoop in the Washington Post . And then later on last night, Trump said he definitely TOTALLY is for the unsealing. By the time you read this, who the fuck knows?
Here are some more words of context about how potentially dangerous it would be for Trump to have classified nuke information sitting around in his basement, and just how top secret we might be talking about, from WaPo.
Material about nuclear weapons is especially sensitive and usually restricted to a small number of government officials, experts said. Publicizing details about U.S. weapons could provide an intelligence road map to adversaries seeking to build ways of countering those systems. And other countries might view exposing their nuclear secrets as a threat, experts said.
One former Justice Department official, who in the past oversaw investigations of leaks of classified information, said the type of top-secret information described by the people familiar with the probe would probably cause authorities to try to move as quickly as possible to recover sensitive documents that could cause grave harm to U.S. security.
“If that is true, it would suggest that material residing unlawfully at Mar-a-Lago may have been classified at the highest classification level,” said David Laufman, the former chief of the Justice Department’s counterintelligence section, which investigates leaks of classified information. “If the FBI and the Department of Justice believed there were top secret materials still at Mar-a-Lago, that would lend itself to greater ‘hair-on-fire’ motivation to recover that material as quickly as possible.”
And so the Rubicon was crossed.
We'll be learning more and more, and hell, we wrote this last night as the news was coming out, so there might be 50 new things Wonkette needs to write about here during breakfast.
So let's just call this our HOLYFUCKINGSHIT breaking news story and go from there, OK?
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